Sunday!
Now i hate Sundays at the best of times, but I have been bored all weekend, and not well, so i am feeling a bit better today, but broke, so cant really get up to much, but James drove over to see me and took me out for lunch...wooohoooo!! so we are in this really nice resteraunt, kinda a bit too posh for my liking, i mean a meal is like 40 quid, i am more your fish and chips kinda chick lol...so i am there on my best behaviour, and i am eating and chatting, and i need the loo, so i excuse myself and off i wander, into the MENS!!!!! ooops! finally make it into the ladies come out, and i have only tucked my skirt into the back of my knickers...this is not the first time in my life i have done such a thing, but i was usually drunk in the past...YIKES!!!! luckily the waiter tells me of my situation so i sort myself out and get back to the table, now before i left the table, i buried my fork into my peas, and as i lean on the table i hit the end of the fork...catapulting a fork full of birds eyes best in the direction of an old posh couple sitting to the right of me!!! ffs....2 peas land in her wine!! and the rest go on the floor and tables, so the waiter comes over to clean up, and says something to James....probably about me being a retard!!!!!! he slips on a rouge pea, and falls over....now that my friends is Karma!!! Poor James all that breeding and etticut and he decides to spend his spare time with me .....you would think he would learn huh!!!James and i then go for a walk around our local park...and it starts snowing!! brrrr i hate snow...i have naturally curly hair so by the time we had got back to his car, i looked like a drowned rat *sigh*......so i decide a cigerette is in order, now remember James is a cancer specialist and has a major problem with the fact i smoke...so i way up the pros and cons in my head, is my nicotine desire worth the long lecture i am gonna get when i ask if i can smoke in his hire car!!...so i sit thinking it over in my head and finally come out and ask him.....and you know when you wish you hadnt bothered yourself lol!!..so i get a ten minute lecture about how bad it is blah blah blah!!! so in the middle of it i just light up.lean forward to open the window and drop my fag on his car seat!!!! YIKES!!!! FFS ..so i now burn my thigh and his car seat..........so the real reason not to smoke, is to prevent 3rd degree burns and ruining a new audi TT !!!
Thursday, 10 April 2008
Scans and free style bird skating!
Ok so here is what has happened to me lately!!
The meds are making me FAT again grrrrr!But i will deal with that after they take me off them.
My friend James is over from Austrailia at the moment, he is a great bloke, good looking rich and intelligent....an all round catch for the right girl, he has come over to make sure i am ok on the 9th, which is my mums anniversary of her death, and it is a general tough time for me because i miss her so much it is a physical pain for me.
So god love James, for coming all this way to make sure i am ok, he is a cancer specialist and was my mums doc, this is how we met! We dated for a while, well about 7 weeks, but he proposed to me,....which freaked me out, so i ended it ooops!!! but it would never work, he is very serious, and i ...well i am just different......lmao!!
James is having a party at his "little" pad in the lakes, makes me smile as his little pad is a 4 bedroom house, over looking one of the lakes, in the richest parts of cumbria!! complete with hot tub, jacuzzi and maid!! how the other half live huh?...so i get ready to go,,,,but i am not feeling to well, i have a pain starting in my side, but think what the hell, getting out will do me some good, so get dolled up, boots skirt low cut top....the usual stuff, and drive out there, the party is just starting, and my pain is getting worse....next thing i know.... i am waking up with about 7 folk standing round me!! MORTIFIED!!!
James picks me up pops me in his car and takes me to the hospital.....now i am wearing a skirt...with stockings on and have a pain in my side....so the doctor, lifts my skirt UP to examine my stomach ffs!!! MORTIFIED again!!
He suggests i go for a scan incase i have an eptopic pregancy which is the funniest thing i have heard in years...as i havent had sex in 18 months, and i point this out that unless my name has changed to mary, it is gonna be an immaculate conception....clearly not believing me....they take me for a scan...and what a shock...not pregnant eptopic or otherwise!!! they wanted to keep me in over night...YIKES...but i have had my fill of hospitals, so refused and said i would go home, so i am walking up the path, it is now about 11pm, when i feel something squishy under my boot...and slip i fall on my arse and crack my elbow on the path, the bloody cat had kindly left me a bird ffs!!! so i now have a black eye....very sore elbow, and a horrific pain in my side!!! if i was a horse i would be put down!! it would be more humane!!
To add insult to injury Mr A is away for a night out in London, and uncontactable boohooo, and i am bored and fed up...and this combination usually leads to mischief with me!! So tomorrow i am off to find myself some mischief!!
Things i have learnt today!
You can really slip on a dead bird.
Glossing has become the bain of my life i need to date a decorator until may, and then a gardiner....as the lawn mower comes out, and i have already cut through 2 cables and cant afford yet another new lawn mower this year!
The meds are making me FAT again grrrrr!But i will deal with that after they take me off them.
My friend James is over from Austrailia at the moment, he is a great bloke, good looking rich and intelligent....an all round catch for the right girl, he has come over to make sure i am ok on the 9th, which is my mums anniversary of her death, and it is a general tough time for me because i miss her so much it is a physical pain for me.
So god love James, for coming all this way to make sure i am ok, he is a cancer specialist and was my mums doc, this is how we met! We dated for a while, well about 7 weeks, but he proposed to me,....which freaked me out, so i ended it ooops!!! but it would never work, he is very serious, and i ...well i am just different......lmao!!
James is having a party at his "little" pad in the lakes, makes me smile as his little pad is a 4 bedroom house, over looking one of the lakes, in the richest parts of cumbria!! complete with hot tub, jacuzzi and maid!! how the other half live huh?...so i get ready to go,,,,but i am not feeling to well, i have a pain starting in my side, but think what the hell, getting out will do me some good, so get dolled up, boots skirt low cut top....the usual stuff, and drive out there, the party is just starting, and my pain is getting worse....next thing i know.... i am waking up with about 7 folk standing round me!! MORTIFIED!!!
James picks me up pops me in his car and takes me to the hospital.....now i am wearing a skirt...with stockings on and have a pain in my side....so the doctor, lifts my skirt UP to examine my stomach ffs!!! MORTIFIED again!!
He suggests i go for a scan incase i have an eptopic pregancy which is the funniest thing i have heard in years...as i havent had sex in 18 months, and i point this out that unless my name has changed to mary, it is gonna be an immaculate conception....clearly not believing me....they take me for a scan...and what a shock...not pregnant eptopic or otherwise!!! they wanted to keep me in over night...YIKES...but i have had my fill of hospitals, so refused and said i would go home, so i am walking up the path, it is now about 11pm, when i feel something squishy under my boot...and slip i fall on my arse and crack my elbow on the path, the bloody cat had kindly left me a bird ffs!!! so i now have a black eye....very sore elbow, and a horrific pain in my side!!! if i was a horse i would be put down!! it would be more humane!!
To add insult to injury Mr A is away for a night out in London, and uncontactable boohooo, and i am bored and fed up...and this combination usually leads to mischief with me!! So tomorrow i am off to find myself some mischief!!
Things i have learnt today!
You can really slip on a dead bird.
Glossing has become the bain of my life i need to date a decorator until may, and then a gardiner....as the lawn mower comes out, and i have already cut through 2 cables and cant afford yet another new lawn mower this year!
Mr A, Bleach Sandwiches and Black Eyes!
UPDATE!!
Ok so thought i better keep you all update in the crazy world of Al !!!
Work is going ok, i had a week of and went back to a million emails, and lots of stress, but back on top of it all now!
Today i finished at lunch time, and thought hmmm i will just text Mr A to see if he is free for a call......i am semi aware that there is an old lady walking towards me, so i move to the left and carry on texting and WHACK....walk into a lamp post .....smash my glasses too ffs....now it hurt but i didnt think much of it, then i get a text to say he is free to call, so i ring him, and we are chatting, but god my eyebrow is hurting!!....only gone and given myself a black eye!!! that is 4 black eyes since Jan!!!!
So i have learnt today that not every woman can multi task! grrrrrrr.
The decorating has become the bain of my life...and now i will do anything to avoid doing it...to the point where i bleached my kitchen cupboards yesterday rather than pick up the glossing brush...note to self...if bleach drips on work surface.....dont make a sandwich on that work surface shortly after.....hmmmm cheese ham and bleach butties, really are not going to be the next big thing!! also it makes your lips blister!!!!
Well Mr A and i seem to be getting on famously.....and only 15 sleeps until we meet!...so i am wondering cos the meds i am on are making me gain weight, and i really do not want to meet him as an extra for fat club!! maybe i should go on a crash diet, its only for a fortnight!! i mean i could maybe at least counter act the meds!!! hmmm i will look on line about this one. At the moment i calm about the meeting, but as it gets closer...i think i will freak out!!
Ok so thought i better keep you all update in the crazy world of Al !!!
Work is going ok, i had a week of and went back to a million emails, and lots of stress, but back on top of it all now!
Today i finished at lunch time, and thought hmmm i will just text Mr A to see if he is free for a call......i am semi aware that there is an old lady walking towards me, so i move to the left and carry on texting and WHACK....walk into a lamp post .....smash my glasses too ffs....now it hurt but i didnt think much of it, then i get a text to say he is free to call, so i ring him, and we are chatting, but god my eyebrow is hurting!!....only gone and given myself a black eye!!! that is 4 black eyes since Jan!!!!
So i have learnt today that not every woman can multi task! grrrrrrr.
The decorating has become the bain of my life...and now i will do anything to avoid doing it...to the point where i bleached my kitchen cupboards yesterday rather than pick up the glossing brush...note to self...if bleach drips on work surface.....dont make a sandwich on that work surface shortly after.....hmmmm cheese ham and bleach butties, really are not going to be the next big thing!! also it makes your lips blister!!!!
Well Mr A and i seem to be getting on famously.....and only 15 sleeps until we meet!...so i am wondering cos the meds i am on are making me gain weight, and i really do not want to meet him as an extra for fat club!! maybe i should go on a crash diet, its only for a fortnight!! i mean i could maybe at least counter act the meds!!! hmmm i will look on line about this one. At the moment i calm about the meeting, but as it gets closer...i think i will freak out!!
Todays Lessons!
Things i have learnt today!!!
That my meds make me feel crappy :(
That having big boobs gets guys at a scrapyard to be very helpful.
That a pink tool box looks a bit weird when carried by big gay dave!!
That glossing really is not my thing.
Glossing takes forever.
The new lampshades i bought which are red...actually make my house look like a brothel!!
That if you leave a glossing brush while you go looking for a new battery...it will be stiff and ruined when you return.
I like the smell of white spirit....but it does give you a headache and makes you feel dizzy if you smell it for too long ...DOH!!
That Mr A and i seem to be getting along famously!
That my meds make me feel crappy :(
That having big boobs gets guys at a scrapyard to be very helpful.
That a pink tool box looks a bit weird when carried by big gay dave!!
That glossing really is not my thing.
Glossing takes forever.
The new lampshades i bought which are red...actually make my house look like a brothel!!
That if you leave a glossing brush while you go looking for a new battery...it will be stiff and ruined when you return.
I like the smell of white spirit....but it does give you a headache and makes you feel dizzy if you smell it for too long ...DOH!!
That Mr A and i seem to be getting along famously!
Grrr @ cars
Ok...so i am still perservering with the decorating....the bulk of it is done! apart from i need to strap a brush to a long stick and get into the very high corners!!! YIKES!
SO i went to go to work today and do some overtime! only the flippin car wouldnt start...so a quick call to big gay dave...and a bit of pushing it up and down the street...and BINGO...we have transport....but clearly this is only a temp measure,,,so thought i better go and find a battery...but as usual in my life...my car isnt normal....and doesnt take a regular battery ffs....so i go to one garage and they can order it and get it for Tuesday!! at a cost of £65 quid and that was with a discount!...halfords was £90 plus fitting......now i dont drive a porche for heavens sake...so Al has a brainwave...lets go to the scrapyard...so i pop home grab my tool kit (pink....with all pink tools in it)...and of i totter up to the scrapyard....now they cleary dont get many small chicks rocking up in knee high boots, short skirts and low cut tops....because those guys could not have been more helpful tee hee....so i got a battery, and it fitted...for £10.....oh yes....GREAT SUCSESS!!!
SO i went to go to work today and do some overtime! only the flippin car wouldnt start...so a quick call to big gay dave...and a bit of pushing it up and down the street...and BINGO...we have transport....but clearly this is only a temp measure,,,so thought i better go and find a battery...but as usual in my life...my car isnt normal....and doesnt take a regular battery ffs....so i go to one garage and they can order it and get it for Tuesday!! at a cost of £65 quid and that was with a discount!...halfords was £90 plus fitting......now i dont drive a porche for heavens sake...so Al has a brainwave...lets go to the scrapyard...so i pop home grab my tool kit (pink....with all pink tools in it)...and of i totter up to the scrapyard....now they cleary dont get many small chicks rocking up in knee high boots, short skirts and low cut tops....because those guys could not have been more helpful tee hee....so i got a battery, and it fitted...for £10.....oh yes....GREAT SUCSESS!!!
Running out of Steam!
Ok so i have had a busy day today....visiting friends, having lunch out, shopping for lampshades grrrrr !! and stuff!!...so havent done much decorating, and i really need to be getting cracking on with it..but i seem to have run out of steam!!I should have done it in the breaks between appointments, but i was to busy chatting to MR A....who it turns out is a gem...and just seems to be getting better....hmmm it better not be a big joke...and he is really called Myrtle and married with 3 kids...or i will stomp my foot
Decorating Lessons for the day !
Decorating.
Ok well these are the lessons i have learned for today.
When you get 2 quotes from decorators, and one is 200 quid and one is 180....they are charging that much for a reason....
so me being me..thinks huh....how hard can it be to paint my hall and stairwell.
Well i had the paint already, and decide white will do, as i can do the high bits and the ceilings too!! see i aint always dumb!!!!
So i start yesterday..and it was a great success, got loads done wooohooo, apart from the high bits...
First lesson...when buying an extendable pole to paint high bits...make sure it fits in your car first!!Not a huge problem i just leave window down and have it poking out as i speed it home down the M6!!
Second Lesson...when using extendable pole....dont put all your weight on it whilst leaning at a 45 degree angle so you can reach the high parts...as it un extends and you fall down the stairs, hurt your wrist....and get the roller land on you.
Third lesson...when painting ceiling with extendable roller dont look up...as paint might drop in your eye causing you to fall down the stairs again...and the roller still lands on you!!
Fourth Lesson...when using extendable roller on lower ceiling in hall way...again dont look up...as you might not see the paint tray, and if you were ever so slightly dizzy, well you could step in it!!!
Fith Lesson...when stirring paint pot and leaning over...might be wise to secure or remove your glasses...as they could possibly fall into the pot of paint!! grrrrr
Sixth lesson...when dying curtains to match new colour scheme....read the instructions about doing it in enamel baths!! just a hint!!!
So now my hall is white, as is alot of my carpet...and me!!! I still think the extendable roller was a better idea than 2 step ladders and a plank of wood...and ME!!!
So now i need to replace carpert, £400....replace bath....£200...and replace glasses £250....so all in all....next time....i will just get the decorators in i think.Right off to do the glossing...i mean..........what can possibly go wrong lol!!!
More things i have learnt today.....while glossing.
Non drip gloss....LIES......i have a lovely white stripe from my wrist to my elbow grrrrr!!as does my carpet!
Always tie your hair back before glossing....i now look like cruella daville!! and it doesnt come out!!
Dont touch anything on your house if you have gloss on you, this inculdes, your cast iron black bed...your 3 grand sofa....your lap top....your cat....or your mobile phone!!
Think about buying some turpentine to remove any excess gloss, before you start...just a hint, as if you try and clean your brush in the sink....well you just end up with a painted sink!!
I also learnt that.........you cant gloss over a spider just because you think it is dead, and no one will notice, cos you are too scared to pick it up!! ..........also if it isnt dead for example, it may decide to scoot off over your carpet, thus leaving a trail of gloss across it.
Did i mention the turpintine?
Also DONT FORGET WHERE YOU GLOSSED....so dont come running down the stairs with your hand on the bannister...if you have not long glossed it!!
And finally...i have learnt that gloss has a drying time longer than the half life of plutonium...so dont go prodding it to see if it is dry yet.
Really finally....glossing is harder than you might think!!!!!
Ok well these are the lessons i have learned for today.
When you get 2 quotes from decorators, and one is 200 quid and one is 180....they are charging that much for a reason....
so me being me..thinks huh....how hard can it be to paint my hall and stairwell.
Well i had the paint already, and decide white will do, as i can do the high bits and the ceilings too!! see i aint always dumb!!!!
So i start yesterday..and it was a great success, got loads done wooohooo, apart from the high bits...
First lesson...when buying an extendable pole to paint high bits...make sure it fits in your car first!!Not a huge problem i just leave window down and have it poking out as i speed it home down the M6!!
Second Lesson...when using extendable pole....dont put all your weight on it whilst leaning at a 45 degree angle so you can reach the high parts...as it un extends and you fall down the stairs, hurt your wrist....and get the roller land on you.
Third lesson...when painting ceiling with extendable roller dont look up...as paint might drop in your eye causing you to fall down the stairs again...and the roller still lands on you!!
Fourth Lesson...when using extendable roller on lower ceiling in hall way...again dont look up...as you might not see the paint tray, and if you were ever so slightly dizzy, well you could step in it!!!
Fith Lesson...when stirring paint pot and leaning over...might be wise to secure or remove your glasses...as they could possibly fall into the pot of paint!! grrrrr
Sixth lesson...when dying curtains to match new colour scheme....read the instructions about doing it in enamel baths!! just a hint!!!
So now my hall is white, as is alot of my carpet...and me!!! I still think the extendable roller was a better idea than 2 step ladders and a plank of wood...and ME!!!
So now i need to replace carpert, £400....replace bath....£200...and replace glasses £250....so all in all....next time....i will just get the decorators in i think.Right off to do the glossing...i mean..........what can possibly go wrong lol!!!
More things i have learnt today.....while glossing.
Non drip gloss....LIES......i have a lovely white stripe from my wrist to my elbow grrrrr!!as does my carpet!
Always tie your hair back before glossing....i now look like cruella daville!! and it doesnt come out!!
Dont touch anything on your house if you have gloss on you, this inculdes, your cast iron black bed...your 3 grand sofa....your lap top....your cat....or your mobile phone!!
Think about buying some turpentine to remove any excess gloss, before you start...just a hint, as if you try and clean your brush in the sink....well you just end up with a painted sink!!
I also learnt that.........you cant gloss over a spider just because you think it is dead, and no one will notice, cos you are too scared to pick it up!! ..........also if it isnt dead for example, it may decide to scoot off over your carpet, thus leaving a trail of gloss across it.
Did i mention the turpintine?
Also DONT FORGET WHERE YOU GLOSSED....so dont come running down the stairs with your hand on the bannister...if you have not long glossed it!!
And finally...i have learnt that gloss has a drying time longer than the half life of plutonium...so dont go prodding it to see if it is dry yet.
Really finally....glossing is harder than you might think!!!!!
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