Misery Diet Contd

********************** Day 30 *************************

HMmmmm slept in today! AGAIN, and i had an earlish night!! so had to pay for parking again, which does my head in !!Well been a bit of an boring day, probably because i had no close encounters of the animal kind......thank god!!!Not much to report at all to be honest!! You may notice i havent started with what i ate...well i went to the docs today, and he said i have lost too much weight!! hmmm as if!! the guy is clearly blind, so for the next few days i am just going to eat!! like a normal person, I got weighed a month ago at the docs, and according to his scales today....30 days later.......i have lost 2 stone 1lb....hmmm he may have a point, half a stone a week is not good, and i wasnt that fat to start with, so i have to go back next week....so i need to have put on at least 2lbs, which will take no time at all hee hee!! then i can get back to my diet....hell i dont wanna show up and meet MR A looking like the back end of a bus lol!!! So i will play the docs game for now, i know why he is worried, i used to have an eating disorder in the past, but i am so over that, my days of living of half a tomato and a loo roll are well and truely over!!!!! plus looking back i was too thin!!! hmmmmmm why worry is what i want to be saying to myself lol!!So really apart from a few emails and a phone call that brightened myday, it has been all in all a bit of a flat day today, might leave the tales for a now, until i have something more exciting to tell you all :)xx

********************* Day 29 ************************

Ok so today was not off to the best start...i MAJORLY slept in, so missed my free parking space.........so another 4 quid wasted grrrrrr!!

So i must get up when my alarm goes of tomorrow, and not just snuggle back into my duvet and think "ahhh it will be ok" i am not a morning person at all.As for the diet, well today was not a good diet day so i am not going to post what i ate but lets just say there was a chelsea bun involved in my downfall lol!!!

I am at the Docs tomorrow anyway, to find out if all is well in the world of Al.

So work was fun, yup you read it right, fun....i spent most of my day getting on with stuff in general, and finished at 2pm....woooohoooooo, well kinda wooooohoooo, i was walking my friends dog for her, simple task indeed i thought....hmmmmm!!!

So i get to friends house, let myself in....forget about fecking burglar alarm...but when the high shrill beeps start i remember....but ermmmm forget code!! dammmittt, so after some crazy number punching and stressing it finally comes back to me, and on my third and final attempt the noise stops!! Phewwwwww !....but then a little voice in my head is asking me....are you sure it is deactivated and not just gone silent cos the police are on their way!!!!! god dam those voices!!!!

I find lead and try and get dog on lead, which is tricky when it is half greyhound half ermmm chewbakka!! its a big dog.....and quite a jumpy dog...as i discovered after being knocked over twice!! Trying to get the clip of the lead onto the collar proves to be something of a mensa test, as i cant get the dog to sit down!! grrrrrrrrr!!

Finally i manage it....and head of for the park and grass area...now this lead is cool, it is like a little lead, but you press a button and the dog can run ahead as it gets longer, then you can retract it in.....fool proof surely!! ermmm nope....i click the button to get the lead to shorten, and nothing happens, except the dog is almost in the next county to me ffs!!!
So i think what the heck....and let it roam on extra long lead!! until it gets wrapped around a ford fiesta!! now the lead is jammed under one of the wheels !! dog pulling in one direction me in another...this is going nowhere fast!!.

So i unclip the dog who has now wrapped all the lead around the car, and is starting to get out of breathe...and the sound of me undoing the clip must have sounded to the dog like a starting pistol....and the greyhound half took of like sh1t of a greasy stick....i swear i think it was bred with shurgar!! well i left the lead wrapped around the car and chased the dog...and it was going well until the dog made it to the park.....and so did my cuban heeled boots...so i am chasing this lolopping eejut dog over very wet ground, and my heels are sinking right into the earth with every step...and then i realise i have either got a form of spina bifida all of a sudden ....or when i pulled my heel out that last time.....the heel didnt follow...fan fooking tastic!!

i am now chasing a dog built for catching hares in a 4 inch heeled boot and a flat one!!Luckily the dog spots a small child with a bag of crisps so stops dead...thus giving me the edge...and i make time on it, grab it by the collar just before it leaps on the kid....and manage to drag it back to the fiesta...where i am kinda now officially screwed, i need both hands to get lead....but dare not let go of the slobbery beast in my left hand!! so i make an executive decision, and i will let the dog drag me back to the house, and come back for the lead.....well to be honest, the dog made that decison, as it is stronger than me, i just conformed......
...so we get back and i realise dog still hasnt actually done its buisness, so i go to open the blinds at the patio doors to let the dog out into the garden, but the dog is excited, and runs through the vertical blinds and gets caught up in them ffs!!! i hear ripping noises and a creaking, and the whole lot comes down!! oooops!open door and let the dog and blinds out, and go back to get the lead.

Whilst undoing lead from car, the woman comes out and asks me what i am doing...now the voice in my head returns, and it is telling me to say....."i am letting ya tyres down" but she looks posh and angry...so i think i better now!! only i have already said it before i have time to explain the ferral dog thing...she glowers and tells me she will get the police!!
i say oh dont bother calling them, i think they are on their way as i broke into that house over there and set their burglar alarm off, so it is just a matter of time.
ohhh for fooks sake.... why do i do this i ask myself, i apologise, and explain the situation...kinda...and unwrap lead while she is watching my every move, and i walk...well bob back to the house, wish i at least had two heals for some dignity!!!

Why are the simple tasks so tricky for me?So i get home and i have had a bit of a strange day emotionally today...i was asked out again by guy from Saturday night(Mr B), and lunch on sunday, and initially i say yes, dinner and a movie tonight was the suggestion...seems fair enough, nothing planned as it happens, as the friend i normally see on a Tuesday will be busy reparing her blinds when she gets back from her day trip!!

But thing is see......i do like someone else, and its a crazy situation, that i cant explain, as this other guy, well he is ermmmm, well like, just about the closest thing to godddammm perfect i have found....i love his company, and he makes me laugh, and he is gorgeous, and intelligent, and doesnt mind that my life coasts from one disaster to another....( i mean read my tales for proof), and he makes me feel positive about myself, and it cheers me up when i hear his voice, or read his messages(Mr A), so if i go to dinner with Mr B, i feel like it is wrong.....i feel i would be sitting there wishing i was with Mr A!! and that isnt fair on anyone, so i do the right thing, and cancel dinner wth Mr B, who seems slightly upset !!, and let Mr A know that dinner is cancelled with Mr B...and he says he is pleased woooohoooo!! progress lol, cos the thing is....i havent met Mr A .....but i intend to! But just not yet, things complicated and as my old mum used to say..dont fix what isnt broken yadda yadda....so i feel so releived for cancelling dinner, as i knew it would be disasterous!!So well done me!!
So now i am not doing dinner with Mr B, i decide i will pop and see my friend, not the one who is fixing blinds, but my other friend Lou, whos birthday it was yesterday, well she is amazed i cancelled dinner so happily lets me in to get all the girly gossip, heehee!!
Now the storm is a coming up here, and my little car is not good in the wind....so as i am driving home, the wheelie bins are making my journey home as they are waltzing up the street like a pack of darleks!! it looks like a scene from twister in my grove.....i am sure i saw a coconut go flying by ffs...so i get home and it is too early to go to bed, so i decide i will bleach my teeth......which was all going well until i went to clean them after and discover my tooth brush needs charged and i cant find the charger.....ffs...so i am sitting here eating sugar puffs, to take away the bleach taste, and i am sure it will be fine once the swelling in my lips goes down and the tingling in my gums stops!!!maybe there is a reason you should get this done at the dentist huh?So all in all a good day.

Calories - classified
Dogs lost 0
Blinds ruined 1
Boots ruined 1
Kisses 349 <--- not actual kisses but virtual ones from Mr A woooohoooo it was a kiss fest i tells thee lol
Gums melted 28%xx


********************** DAY 28 *********************

Got up late today, 8am!!! so no free parking space for me booohooo, i will try harder tomorrow lol!!Didnt have breakfast, but the morning went really fast! wooohooo, which is always a bonus, it was my friends birthday birthday today, so thought i better get my finger out and get her a present....so i went on a sun bed to think over the present options lol!!! I decided on some estee lauder moisturiser she had mentioned....and a boots gift card, well you can get all sorts in there lol!!! So i remortgaged my house to get the moisturiser...FFS how much...i told the orange girl behind the counter, i just wanted the one bottle of it, and not shares in the company, she just made a funny noise in my general direction...maybe if she had smiled her inch thick plastered on makeup would have cracked and fallen off!! why do the women in dept stores insist on wearing so much orange make up....then offer me a make over...AS IF ...ffs lol!!!I made a call and had a giggle, always cheers a girl up chatting to a friend who is funny. It started to rain grrrrrrr....and my naturally curly hair was getting worse and worse as it got wetter and wetter!!....Then i went to buy the birthday card...well those funny cards have me roaring my head off with laughter...i laughed so much that i made my mascara run...ahhh no worries i can sort that out when i get back to work...triumphant in my choice of card i left the shop, red in the face from sunbed/laughing, mascara runs down both cheeks, hair up in a pony tail and frizzy from the rain, and then....as luck would have it, i bump into this totally dishy guy who fancies me, he is one of the most elidgable guys in town, and sweet, when he found out i was single...he wrote his number on my coffee cup awwwwwwwwww! ...well he just looked at me, and i looked at him, said hi...smiled and mumbled something about laughing, sunbeds and sorry!! he raised an eyebrow and left lol!!...now just for bad i almost text him...hee hee ....just to stress him out because trust me.....i reckon he was regretting giving me his number after that lol!!!Get back to work, and the afternoon flies in....but we are having an easter egg competion ffs.....sigh.....and my team is doing snow white and the seven dwarfs...and i got doc!! i mean ffs DOC!!! i wanted dopey, but no point in having a tantrum...so i have to boil and egg and dress it like doc.....hmmmmmm !! i wish i had watched a bit more blue peter now, infact i wish i had an egg lol!!!....now for those who know me, i cant sew....dont even own a needle...so wishing i had a needle right now....i cant cook, cant sew and dont swallow.....Jeeez no wonder i am SINGLE lol!!!!After work i took big gay dave to buy a microwave.....NEVER again!! ....i am one of the few women who doesnt love shopping, unless it is for boots lol.......and to be stood infront of a wall of microwaves, worrying if they pinged or dinged was just too much for me, i nearly cried, in the end i just grabbed one and said this one will do..it looks nice! lol.Dropped present of at friends, had a rant about the state of the country and went home lol.Dinner was pasta.Calories 450kisses 0 <----someone better sort this out soon ffsBad thoughts about killing big gay dave with a microwave 7pounds lost last week 4 <----hmmm but i havent been to the gym much!!xx


*************Weekend******************

Ok so i have had a busy weekend, so not been on line much, alot of the reason i was busy is because my friends mum is dying, and i have been over helping her out with my little god son, so she has been free to be at the hospital, its very distressing, and hard, so no Comedy in me at the moment!Last night (saturday) however it was another friends birthday, and instead of going to a big private party over the north east, we just stayed in town, incase i got the call i had been dreading to go over to my other friends house!Well it turned out we had a riot in town, its been ages since i have been out and had a real laugh!As many of you know i dont drink....not for any other reason than i just make a general show of myself ...and to be honest i am much better company sober, and i tend not to wake up in police cells with a bad head...and little memory of the night before lol!!We went for a meal to a place called Le Gal, and if you ever end up in my city i highly reccomend it, very pleasant! Then round some bars, and there was a tasty guy in one, who kept looking over at us, mainly because i was acting the fool......for a change...honest! i thought he was after my friend Lou, who is so beautiful it should be illegal!!! So when he started coming over ...i gave lou 20p and told her to call her mum cos she wasnt coming home lol.....old joke, ...but he strolled up to ME!!! ffs, clearly this guy doesnt know me lol, cos he is either drunk, blind,brave or stupid, or a combination of all 4 heehee!!!!Now when i am in the company of an attractive man, i turn into an idiot.....so i go from being loud and out going into a quivvering wreck, my comedy leaves me and so does my voice grrrrrrr!!!He starts giving it, you seem like a live wire yadda yadda!!!....hmmmm...then comes the guarenteed compliments....god your eyes are amazing!!! your cute, and what a cracking ass i have lol,and your so funny....he had clearly been paying close attention pml!! i ask him if he needs to go to specsavers!! and he comes back with a witty reply....now for those who know me intelligence and humour are really important to me in a man!! the fact he was 6ft 4, tanned and had glasses and a rather well kept piece of facial topiary was just a bonus lol!! All my mates are giving me the "get in" signal from behind his back lol.......so we banter for about 5 minutes, but i just want him to go and leave me alone to be honest, as i am totally MORTIFIED.....i pretend i get a text message and reply, but actually to Lou to say drink up and lets get out of here...so she does...thank god for good friends!!!...as i say bye he asks for my phone number wooohooooo Result to Al ;)I give the guy my number, well i have nothing to lose, and he clearly wont bother getting in touch....or so i think!!!!But i went to lunch with him today......and he is pretty pleasant as blokes go!! but the thing is.....i dont really want a partner at the moment, i have my eye on someone, and i want to hold out for this other guy, but as usual there are complications with him, distance ....lol,.... an ex, but i feel a real connection to the guy and want to see what happens! so i reckon he is worth the punt!!!Plus i want some time on my own, just to recover from my previous relationship, these things take time! So i explain this to Bar guy, and he seems cool, he is a little bit younger than me...which is the way i like em lol....so i may do dinner with him this week,i am not sure, Hmmmmmmm a tricky one huh?!?.......may ring samaratians for some advice lol!!!So all in all a bit of a good weekend lol!! Xx


**************Day 25*****************

I got woken up by a text message an hour before my alarm went off!! YOU know who you are lol...now one thing about me do not wake me up early...i am not a morning person ffs!!!! it is not wise to disturb the sleep of a girl who didnt go to bed until 2am...is recovering from cancer, and a kidney infection and living of 500 cals a day..it isnt not a pretty sight!!!!I just went back to sleep, and got up 8am...as planned!!Breakfast2 Ryvitta and cottage cheese yummy!!Work was boring and my day was really dragging, so i was glad when lunch time came round...jumped on a sun bed, made a call and went back to a long afternoon, i didnt bother with lunch which was lucky as i had left it at home lol!!!I decided at 3.30 i had had enough of it all, so decide to head of home, but not before taunting a friend about leaving early...and just as i went to open the car door...feckingggg hell, my thumb nail bent back and broke! Noooooooooooooooooooo...now that is Karma for sure :( The nail was half on and half off, and my thumb was proper bleeding, so i thought i would pop up to the salon and see if i could get it sorted! But they refused because of the blood!!! ...Now it might have been the acrylic fumes but i kind of over reacted and stamped my foot, and may have even made a small hmph noise as i stormed out...oops!I drove home with my half nail and bleeding thumb got in and found some clippers, got rid of the half nail bit...now i am no good with blood at all....and started to feel a bit dizzy, i know....i will put something over it so i dont catch it, or see it!! only i am not the type of chick to have a first aid box or the like, so i compromised rather well i thought, i got some loo roll, and wrapped it around about 20 times, and then found 2 plaster, one is a pink barbie one, and the other is a zebra print one...funky thumb, decide a sweet cup of tea is what is called for, so just brewing up when the door goes.....sigh!!...open door with sore hand ..and shout out ya fecker...open door and it is the bloody MP from yesterday!!Just popped back to see if your toilet was ok and to leave some leaflets...he holds out his hand to shake mine......and he holds out his left, so i have to bring my right hand from behind the door....and he is met with my make shift dressing which has made my thumb the size of shreks!!!....well this guy now must think i am a pure idiot...he just stared, and i am sure he was scared!! So nervously i mumbled something about Karma and it being my friends Martins fault....and barbie plasters, and explaining why i actually owned one!! He then said, i think you should vote for the other party, and left!!!!! hmmm i wonder if he thinks he will re address the care in the community policy if he gets in lol!! on the up side he did have different trousers on....i waved my big pink shrek thumb at him as he wandered off, looking back once, to make sure i wasnt following him dressed as my mother and weilding a carving knife no doubt lol!!And that has been my day.I am not having dinner tonight either, as it is nearly 5pm and like you all know i dont eat after 5!! i blame my thumb injury for the lack of food. So now i am off to cut all my other nails short, as there is nothing worse than a bird with long and short nails on the same hand....the only reason i have long nails is because i am really short and little, i have small hands....so once nails are cut i will have the hands of a five year old again ffs!!!

Calories 105
Kisses 0
Thumb injuries 1
Embarrassig moments with MPs 1


************* DAY 24 *****************

Got up early today, and i didnt even have too lol (pats self on back)Realised that the toilet cleaner block was missing from around my loo!! hmmmm some kind of new thief i wonder, left my xbox 360 and flat screen monster TV...but stole my toilet freshner..i will investigate later!!Made it into work by 8.15 wooohooo!!Breakfast was a friendly bacteria yoghurt hmmm yummy!!Work was pretty mundane..plodded through the morning, and at lunch time had a lovely salad (shame you cant pick up on the sarcasm in my voice there lol).Didnt go to the gym today as still full of cold grrrr!!Left work at 3 hee hee easy street!! got home nipped to loo....realised when i flushed that it was blocked ffs.......penny drops...i know where the loo cleaner is now!!...down the bloody u bend!Now i have never unblocked a loo before...so i dont actually know where to begin...realistically the only thing i can think of is putting my hand down the pan...ewwwww!!....so i pour lots of bleach down the pan....get a pair of rubber gloves and 2 carrier bags, put gloves on, then carrier bags right up to my elbows, and secure them in place with elastic bands....in i go....now i cant even see the damn thing, and i wouldnt be able to feel a porcupine through all the layers but i fish around for a good 5 mins trying to see if i can find it!! NOPE......so i wonder if i pushed if further down the pipe work....so in my girly wisdon i decide i will flush....ermmmm NO !! bad move...i stand watchign the water rising higher and higher, feckkkkk it over flows so i grab my dark pink bath towel and fire it on the floor. KNOCK KNOCK at my door, so in half panic, half despair, i run down stairs and open door...yup you guessed it....covered in eud de toilet and with two tesco carrier bags on my arms!!!Lets just say the local MP suddenly lost his ...have you decide who you will vote for...speech, and asked if everything was ok lol!! MORTIFIED!!!!I told him i wear these bags for protection from blood splatter makes cleaning up afterwards easier...well i thought it was funny, he just reached for his mobile, i thought he was about to call the police, so i quickly explained the situation, and said i had to get back to fishing out the toilet cleaner!! He asked if i needed a hand,.....need a hand ermmmmm slightly!!!So i say i am struggling, trying to pull my top down slightly and flutter my eye lashes, hard to look sexy in a now slowly bleaching top and tesco carrier bags...which by the way are NOT water tight (lesson to self)!!So MP comes upstairs kneels on the damp towel and rolls up his sleeve, he pumps the loo brush a couple of times down the pan.....flushes...and hey presto.....my toilet is fixed...so this guy gets my vote...damn should have asked him which team he played for or who he was....as he walked off..with the aroma of bleach wafting behind him, i thanked him and waved from my bag clad arm...went upstairs and my pink towel is now yellow in places...so god knows what the knees on his trousers are gonna look like in ten minutes time lmao!!!So all in all a typical day in my life lol!! xx


***************** DAY 23*****************

Not much to report today, staggered into work at 8.30 after big gay dave woke me up, asking what time i was going into work as he was waiting outside my front door!!! ffs i was hoping to have a 10am start too!!I am full of cold and feel like pooooo!! but i had to go in as had a union meeting to attend, so my whole day was taken up with that, with a quick 20 minute lunch!!So not much at all happened today!!!Calories 680Kisses 0