Sunday!
Now i hate Sundays at the best of times, but I have been bored all weekend, and not well, so i am feeling a bit better today, but broke, so cant really get up to much, but James drove over to see me and took me out for lunch...wooohoooo!! so we are in this really nice resteraunt, kinda a bit too posh for my liking, i mean a meal is like 40 quid, i am more your fish and chips kinda chick lol...so i am there on my best behaviour, and i am eating and chatting, and i need the loo, so i excuse myself and off i wander, into the MENS!!!!! ooops! finally make it into the ladies come out, and i have only tucked my skirt into the back of my knickers...this is not the first time in my life i have done such a thing, but i was usually drunk in the past...YIKES!!!! luckily the waiter tells me of my situation so i sort myself out and get back to the table, now before i left the table, i buried my fork into my peas, and as i lean on the table i hit the end of the fork...catapulting a fork full of birds eyes best in the direction of an old posh couple sitting to the right of me!!! ffs....2 peas land in her wine!! and the rest go on the floor and tables, so the waiter comes over to clean up, and says something to James....probably about me being a retard!!!!!! he slips on a rouge pea, and falls over....now that my friends is Karma!!! Poor James all that breeding and etticut and he decides to spend his spare time with me .....you would think he would learn huh!!!James and i then go for a walk around our local park...and it starts snowing!! brrrr i hate snow...i have naturally curly hair so by the time we had got back to his car, i looked like a drowned rat *sigh*......so i decide a cigerette is in order, now remember James is a cancer specialist and has a major problem with the fact i smoke...so i way up the pros and cons in my head, is my nicotine desire worth the long lecture i am gonna get when i ask if i can smoke in his hire car!!...so i sit thinking it over in my head and finally come out and ask him.....and you know when you wish you hadnt bothered yourself lol!!..so i get a ten minute lecture about how bad it is blah blah blah!!! so in the middle of it i just light up.lean forward to open the window and drop my fag on his car seat!!!! YIKES!!!! FFS ..so i now burn my thigh and his car seat..........so the real reason not to smoke, is to prevent 3rd degree burns and ruining a new audi TT !!!
Thursday, 10 April 2008
Scans and free style bird skating!
Ok so here is what has happened to me lately!!
The meds are making me FAT again grrrrr!But i will deal with that after they take me off them.
My friend James is over from Austrailia at the moment, he is a great bloke, good looking rich and intelligent....an all round catch for the right girl, he has come over to make sure i am ok on the 9th, which is my mums anniversary of her death, and it is a general tough time for me because i miss her so much it is a physical pain for me.
So god love James, for coming all this way to make sure i am ok, he is a cancer specialist and was my mums doc, this is how we met! We dated for a while, well about 7 weeks, but he proposed to me,....which freaked me out, so i ended it ooops!!! but it would never work, he is very serious, and i ...well i am just different......lmao!!
James is having a party at his "little" pad in the lakes, makes me smile as his little pad is a 4 bedroom house, over looking one of the lakes, in the richest parts of cumbria!! complete with hot tub, jacuzzi and maid!! how the other half live huh?...so i get ready to go,,,,but i am not feeling to well, i have a pain starting in my side, but think what the hell, getting out will do me some good, so get dolled up, boots skirt low cut top....the usual stuff, and drive out there, the party is just starting, and my pain is getting worse....next thing i know.... i am waking up with about 7 folk standing round me!! MORTIFIED!!!
James picks me up pops me in his car and takes me to the hospital.....now i am wearing a skirt...with stockings on and have a pain in my side....so the doctor, lifts my skirt UP to examine my stomach ffs!!! MORTIFIED again!!
He suggests i go for a scan incase i have an eptopic pregancy which is the funniest thing i have heard in years...as i havent had sex in 18 months, and i point this out that unless my name has changed to mary, it is gonna be an immaculate conception....clearly not believing me....they take me for a scan...and what a shock...not pregnant eptopic or otherwise!!! they wanted to keep me in over night...YIKES...but i have had my fill of hospitals, so refused and said i would go home, so i am walking up the path, it is now about 11pm, when i feel something squishy under my boot...and slip i fall on my arse and crack my elbow on the path, the bloody cat had kindly left me a bird ffs!!! so i now have a black eye....very sore elbow, and a horrific pain in my side!!! if i was a horse i would be put down!! it would be more humane!!
To add insult to injury Mr A is away for a night out in London, and uncontactable boohooo, and i am bored and fed up...and this combination usually leads to mischief with me!! So tomorrow i am off to find myself some mischief!!
Things i have learnt today!
You can really slip on a dead bird.
Glossing has become the bain of my life i need to date a decorator until may, and then a gardiner....as the lawn mower comes out, and i have already cut through 2 cables and cant afford yet another new lawn mower this year!
The meds are making me FAT again grrrrr!But i will deal with that after they take me off them.
My friend James is over from Austrailia at the moment, he is a great bloke, good looking rich and intelligent....an all round catch for the right girl, he has come over to make sure i am ok on the 9th, which is my mums anniversary of her death, and it is a general tough time for me because i miss her so much it is a physical pain for me.
So god love James, for coming all this way to make sure i am ok, he is a cancer specialist and was my mums doc, this is how we met! We dated for a while, well about 7 weeks, but he proposed to me,....which freaked me out, so i ended it ooops!!! but it would never work, he is very serious, and i ...well i am just different......lmao!!
James is having a party at his "little" pad in the lakes, makes me smile as his little pad is a 4 bedroom house, over looking one of the lakes, in the richest parts of cumbria!! complete with hot tub, jacuzzi and maid!! how the other half live huh?...so i get ready to go,,,,but i am not feeling to well, i have a pain starting in my side, but think what the hell, getting out will do me some good, so get dolled up, boots skirt low cut top....the usual stuff, and drive out there, the party is just starting, and my pain is getting worse....next thing i know.... i am waking up with about 7 folk standing round me!! MORTIFIED!!!
James picks me up pops me in his car and takes me to the hospital.....now i am wearing a skirt...with stockings on and have a pain in my side....so the doctor, lifts my skirt UP to examine my stomach ffs!!! MORTIFIED again!!
He suggests i go for a scan incase i have an eptopic pregancy which is the funniest thing i have heard in years...as i havent had sex in 18 months, and i point this out that unless my name has changed to mary, it is gonna be an immaculate conception....clearly not believing me....they take me for a scan...and what a shock...not pregnant eptopic or otherwise!!! they wanted to keep me in over night...YIKES...but i have had my fill of hospitals, so refused and said i would go home, so i am walking up the path, it is now about 11pm, when i feel something squishy under my boot...and slip i fall on my arse and crack my elbow on the path, the bloody cat had kindly left me a bird ffs!!! so i now have a black eye....very sore elbow, and a horrific pain in my side!!! if i was a horse i would be put down!! it would be more humane!!
To add insult to injury Mr A is away for a night out in London, and uncontactable boohooo, and i am bored and fed up...and this combination usually leads to mischief with me!! So tomorrow i am off to find myself some mischief!!
Things i have learnt today!
You can really slip on a dead bird.
Glossing has become the bain of my life i need to date a decorator until may, and then a gardiner....as the lawn mower comes out, and i have already cut through 2 cables and cant afford yet another new lawn mower this year!
Mr A, Bleach Sandwiches and Black Eyes!
UPDATE!!
Ok so thought i better keep you all update in the crazy world of Al !!!
Work is going ok, i had a week of and went back to a million emails, and lots of stress, but back on top of it all now!
Today i finished at lunch time, and thought hmmm i will just text Mr A to see if he is free for a call......i am semi aware that there is an old lady walking towards me, so i move to the left and carry on texting and WHACK....walk into a lamp post .....smash my glasses too ffs....now it hurt but i didnt think much of it, then i get a text to say he is free to call, so i ring him, and we are chatting, but god my eyebrow is hurting!!....only gone and given myself a black eye!!! that is 4 black eyes since Jan!!!!
So i have learnt today that not every woman can multi task! grrrrrrr.
The decorating has become the bain of my life...and now i will do anything to avoid doing it...to the point where i bleached my kitchen cupboards yesterday rather than pick up the glossing brush...note to self...if bleach drips on work surface.....dont make a sandwich on that work surface shortly after.....hmmmm cheese ham and bleach butties, really are not going to be the next big thing!! also it makes your lips blister!!!!
Well Mr A and i seem to be getting on famously.....and only 15 sleeps until we meet!...so i am wondering cos the meds i am on are making me gain weight, and i really do not want to meet him as an extra for fat club!! maybe i should go on a crash diet, its only for a fortnight!! i mean i could maybe at least counter act the meds!!! hmmm i will look on line about this one. At the moment i calm about the meeting, but as it gets closer...i think i will freak out!!
Ok so thought i better keep you all update in the crazy world of Al !!!
Work is going ok, i had a week of and went back to a million emails, and lots of stress, but back on top of it all now!
Today i finished at lunch time, and thought hmmm i will just text Mr A to see if he is free for a call......i am semi aware that there is an old lady walking towards me, so i move to the left and carry on texting and WHACK....walk into a lamp post .....smash my glasses too ffs....now it hurt but i didnt think much of it, then i get a text to say he is free to call, so i ring him, and we are chatting, but god my eyebrow is hurting!!....only gone and given myself a black eye!!! that is 4 black eyes since Jan!!!!
So i have learnt today that not every woman can multi task! grrrrrrr.
The decorating has become the bain of my life...and now i will do anything to avoid doing it...to the point where i bleached my kitchen cupboards yesterday rather than pick up the glossing brush...note to self...if bleach drips on work surface.....dont make a sandwich on that work surface shortly after.....hmmmm cheese ham and bleach butties, really are not going to be the next big thing!! also it makes your lips blister!!!!
Well Mr A and i seem to be getting on famously.....and only 15 sleeps until we meet!...so i am wondering cos the meds i am on are making me gain weight, and i really do not want to meet him as an extra for fat club!! maybe i should go on a crash diet, its only for a fortnight!! i mean i could maybe at least counter act the meds!!! hmmm i will look on line about this one. At the moment i calm about the meeting, but as it gets closer...i think i will freak out!!
Todays Lessons!
Things i have learnt today!!!
That my meds make me feel crappy :(
That having big boobs gets guys at a scrapyard to be very helpful.
That a pink tool box looks a bit weird when carried by big gay dave!!
That glossing really is not my thing.
Glossing takes forever.
The new lampshades i bought which are red...actually make my house look like a brothel!!
That if you leave a glossing brush while you go looking for a new battery...it will be stiff and ruined when you return.
I like the smell of white spirit....but it does give you a headache and makes you feel dizzy if you smell it for too long ...DOH!!
That Mr A and i seem to be getting along famously!
That my meds make me feel crappy :(
That having big boobs gets guys at a scrapyard to be very helpful.
That a pink tool box looks a bit weird when carried by big gay dave!!
That glossing really is not my thing.
Glossing takes forever.
The new lampshades i bought which are red...actually make my house look like a brothel!!
That if you leave a glossing brush while you go looking for a new battery...it will be stiff and ruined when you return.
I like the smell of white spirit....but it does give you a headache and makes you feel dizzy if you smell it for too long ...DOH!!
That Mr A and i seem to be getting along famously!
Grrr @ cars
Ok...so i am still perservering with the decorating....the bulk of it is done! apart from i need to strap a brush to a long stick and get into the very high corners!!! YIKES!
SO i went to go to work today and do some overtime! only the flippin car wouldnt start...so a quick call to big gay dave...and a bit of pushing it up and down the street...and BINGO...we have transport....but clearly this is only a temp measure,,,so thought i better go and find a battery...but as usual in my life...my car isnt normal....and doesnt take a regular battery ffs....so i go to one garage and they can order it and get it for Tuesday!! at a cost of £65 quid and that was with a discount!...halfords was £90 plus fitting......now i dont drive a porche for heavens sake...so Al has a brainwave...lets go to the scrapyard...so i pop home grab my tool kit (pink....with all pink tools in it)...and of i totter up to the scrapyard....now they cleary dont get many small chicks rocking up in knee high boots, short skirts and low cut tops....because those guys could not have been more helpful tee hee....so i got a battery, and it fitted...for £10.....oh yes....GREAT SUCSESS!!!
SO i went to go to work today and do some overtime! only the flippin car wouldnt start...so a quick call to big gay dave...and a bit of pushing it up and down the street...and BINGO...we have transport....but clearly this is only a temp measure,,,so thought i better go and find a battery...but as usual in my life...my car isnt normal....and doesnt take a regular battery ffs....so i go to one garage and they can order it and get it for Tuesday!! at a cost of £65 quid and that was with a discount!...halfords was £90 plus fitting......now i dont drive a porche for heavens sake...so Al has a brainwave...lets go to the scrapyard...so i pop home grab my tool kit (pink....with all pink tools in it)...and of i totter up to the scrapyard....now they cleary dont get many small chicks rocking up in knee high boots, short skirts and low cut tops....because those guys could not have been more helpful tee hee....so i got a battery, and it fitted...for £10.....oh yes....GREAT SUCSESS!!!
Running out of Steam!
Ok so i have had a busy day today....visiting friends, having lunch out, shopping for lampshades grrrrr !! and stuff!!...so havent done much decorating, and i really need to be getting cracking on with it..but i seem to have run out of steam!!I should have done it in the breaks between appointments, but i was to busy chatting to MR A....who it turns out is a gem...and just seems to be getting better....hmmm it better not be a big joke...and he is really called Myrtle and married with 3 kids...or i will stomp my foot
Decorating Lessons for the day !
Decorating.
Ok well these are the lessons i have learned for today.
When you get 2 quotes from decorators, and one is 200 quid and one is 180....they are charging that much for a reason....
so me being me..thinks huh....how hard can it be to paint my hall and stairwell.
Well i had the paint already, and decide white will do, as i can do the high bits and the ceilings too!! see i aint always dumb!!!!
So i start yesterday..and it was a great success, got loads done wooohooo, apart from the high bits...
First lesson...when buying an extendable pole to paint high bits...make sure it fits in your car first!!Not a huge problem i just leave window down and have it poking out as i speed it home down the M6!!
Second Lesson...when using extendable pole....dont put all your weight on it whilst leaning at a 45 degree angle so you can reach the high parts...as it un extends and you fall down the stairs, hurt your wrist....and get the roller land on you.
Third lesson...when painting ceiling with extendable roller dont look up...as paint might drop in your eye causing you to fall down the stairs again...and the roller still lands on you!!
Fourth Lesson...when using extendable roller on lower ceiling in hall way...again dont look up...as you might not see the paint tray, and if you were ever so slightly dizzy, well you could step in it!!!
Fith Lesson...when stirring paint pot and leaning over...might be wise to secure or remove your glasses...as they could possibly fall into the pot of paint!! grrrrr
Sixth lesson...when dying curtains to match new colour scheme....read the instructions about doing it in enamel baths!! just a hint!!!
So now my hall is white, as is alot of my carpet...and me!!! I still think the extendable roller was a better idea than 2 step ladders and a plank of wood...and ME!!!
So now i need to replace carpert, £400....replace bath....£200...and replace glasses £250....so all in all....next time....i will just get the decorators in i think.Right off to do the glossing...i mean..........what can possibly go wrong lol!!!
More things i have learnt today.....while glossing.
Non drip gloss....LIES......i have a lovely white stripe from my wrist to my elbow grrrrr!!as does my carpet!
Always tie your hair back before glossing....i now look like cruella daville!! and it doesnt come out!!
Dont touch anything on your house if you have gloss on you, this inculdes, your cast iron black bed...your 3 grand sofa....your lap top....your cat....or your mobile phone!!
Think about buying some turpentine to remove any excess gloss, before you start...just a hint, as if you try and clean your brush in the sink....well you just end up with a painted sink!!
I also learnt that.........you cant gloss over a spider just because you think it is dead, and no one will notice, cos you are too scared to pick it up!! ..........also if it isnt dead for example, it may decide to scoot off over your carpet, thus leaving a trail of gloss across it.
Did i mention the turpintine?
Also DONT FORGET WHERE YOU GLOSSED....so dont come running down the stairs with your hand on the bannister...if you have not long glossed it!!
And finally...i have learnt that gloss has a drying time longer than the half life of plutonium...so dont go prodding it to see if it is dry yet.
Really finally....glossing is harder than you might think!!!!!
Ok well these are the lessons i have learned for today.
When you get 2 quotes from decorators, and one is 200 quid and one is 180....they are charging that much for a reason....
so me being me..thinks huh....how hard can it be to paint my hall and stairwell.
Well i had the paint already, and decide white will do, as i can do the high bits and the ceilings too!! see i aint always dumb!!!!
So i start yesterday..and it was a great success, got loads done wooohooo, apart from the high bits...
First lesson...when buying an extendable pole to paint high bits...make sure it fits in your car first!!Not a huge problem i just leave window down and have it poking out as i speed it home down the M6!!
Second Lesson...when using extendable pole....dont put all your weight on it whilst leaning at a 45 degree angle so you can reach the high parts...as it un extends and you fall down the stairs, hurt your wrist....and get the roller land on you.
Third lesson...when painting ceiling with extendable roller dont look up...as paint might drop in your eye causing you to fall down the stairs again...and the roller still lands on you!!
Fourth Lesson...when using extendable roller on lower ceiling in hall way...again dont look up...as you might not see the paint tray, and if you were ever so slightly dizzy, well you could step in it!!!
Fith Lesson...when stirring paint pot and leaning over...might be wise to secure or remove your glasses...as they could possibly fall into the pot of paint!! grrrrr
Sixth lesson...when dying curtains to match new colour scheme....read the instructions about doing it in enamel baths!! just a hint!!!
So now my hall is white, as is alot of my carpet...and me!!! I still think the extendable roller was a better idea than 2 step ladders and a plank of wood...and ME!!!
So now i need to replace carpert, £400....replace bath....£200...and replace glasses £250....so all in all....next time....i will just get the decorators in i think.Right off to do the glossing...i mean..........what can possibly go wrong lol!!!
More things i have learnt today.....while glossing.
Non drip gloss....LIES......i have a lovely white stripe from my wrist to my elbow grrrrr!!as does my carpet!
Always tie your hair back before glossing....i now look like cruella daville!! and it doesnt come out!!
Dont touch anything on your house if you have gloss on you, this inculdes, your cast iron black bed...your 3 grand sofa....your lap top....your cat....or your mobile phone!!
Think about buying some turpentine to remove any excess gloss, before you start...just a hint, as if you try and clean your brush in the sink....well you just end up with a painted sink!!
I also learnt that.........you cant gloss over a spider just because you think it is dead, and no one will notice, cos you are too scared to pick it up!! ..........also if it isnt dead for example, it may decide to scoot off over your carpet, thus leaving a trail of gloss across it.
Did i mention the turpintine?
Also DONT FORGET WHERE YOU GLOSSED....so dont come running down the stairs with your hand on the bannister...if you have not long glossed it!!
And finally...i have learnt that gloss has a drying time longer than the half life of plutonium...so dont go prodding it to see if it is dry yet.
Really finally....glossing is harder than you might think!!!!!
Lessons Learnt
Things i have learnt today!!
When posed with the problem that your car wont start, and you are not sure why....let your nephew sort it, and do not,,,, i repeat DO NOT...think just because you own a pink tool box that it is a good idea to take the battery off, and try and top it up yourself!! needless to say, for those that have read my other tales....this is surely a disaster waiting to happen.....well i am a disaster waiting to happen....not to worry now though....all sorted and the battery acid only stang for about 20 minutes....and the blister......well i am sure once the dressing comes off i will be fine!!....as for my jeans....well wow they had a hole burnt in them in no time !!
Note to self....leave it to the boys!!!!
Something else i learnt today is...my long grey fave cardi makes me look like a fat hefer!! but i cant part with it booohooo!!
I have also learnt today that i have no medical expertise when it comes to acid burns!!!Hmmmmm might pop to the docs in the morning !!! xxAnd NO i am not FRANK SPENCER.....you know who you are calling me that....ohhh betty xx
When posed with the problem that your car wont start, and you are not sure why....let your nephew sort it, and do not,,,, i repeat DO NOT...think just because you own a pink tool box that it is a good idea to take the battery off, and try and top it up yourself!! needless to say, for those that have read my other tales....this is surely a disaster waiting to happen.....well i am a disaster waiting to happen....not to worry now though....all sorted and the battery acid only stang for about 20 minutes....and the blister......well i am sure once the dressing comes off i will be fine!!....as for my jeans....well wow they had a hole burnt in them in no time !!
Note to self....leave it to the boys!!!!
Something else i learnt today is...my long grey fave cardi makes me look like a fat hefer!! but i cant part with it booohooo!!
I have also learnt today that i have no medical expertise when it comes to acid burns!!!Hmmmmm might pop to the docs in the morning !!! xxAnd NO i am not FRANK SPENCER.....you know who you are calling me that....ohhh betty xx
Easter Weekend Catch up!
Quick Catch up for easter weekend.
Well the last week has been more mental than a bag of badgers on acid!! I cant go into a lot of it for legal reasons, but seems i have a stalker!! NIGHMARE...but it is being dealt with in the appropriate fashion, and i would like to thank my friends who have been a tower of strength to me through a pretty disturbing and upsetting time. But a really big thank you to MR A...you have been my rock through this, and cheared me up no end! Thank you honey xxxx
Right that aside, what has been going on with me....well i am feeling groovy as always, i have been in work doing some much needed over time, so i might not actually get my house repossessed next month lol!!
The weather is going to be proper pants here over the Easter weekend...deep joy. So luckily i have no plans, just as well as my finances wouldnt allow much more than a play on the swings at my local park !!!!!....might go out tomorrow night with some friends, as i dont drink i only spend £3.00 hee hee, cheap date or what?My friends and i are planning a trip to Thorpe park which i cant wait for, i love being scared senseless and screaming like a girlie on the rollercoasters, so i am in charge of accomodation....Which amazed me, as i am dizzy and fairly scatty so can see me booking a hotel in the wrong part of the country (sigh).....just hope i dont book some flea pit!!! hmmm i wanted to be in charge of tickets but not to worry lol!!
Mr A and i seem to be getting on great, which makes a pleasant cahnge for me, as usually the men i am attracted to turn out to be utter fookwits, and to date no signs of such behaviour, infact quite the opposite, i wont go on about this subject or i could have you here all day, as i am totally blown away by this guy! And it looks like a meeting is taking place in the not to distant future....this is where it will all go horribly wrong lol, i am a dizzy clumsy kinda soul, so lets hope he can cope with that lol. I am really excited/terrified/scared/stressed/exstatic/worried/lookinh forward to it...these emotions and more as time gets closer lol. But in the whole i am hoping our "ten minute rule*" pays of in my favour hee hee!! Well i havent put any weight on.....which i see as a good thing, but my doc is not so sure, so i get my blood results back on tuesday, so hopefully all is groovy there, and i do not get put back on meds, otherwise i will balloon up again, and then the meeting will be cancelled, cant meet the man of my dreams looking like a HEFER!!!!!! Yikes.
* ten minute rule = we have to touch each other in the first 10 minutes so we know if we like each other or not!
Well the last week has been more mental than a bag of badgers on acid!! I cant go into a lot of it for legal reasons, but seems i have a stalker!! NIGHMARE...but it is being dealt with in the appropriate fashion, and i would like to thank my friends who have been a tower of strength to me through a pretty disturbing and upsetting time. But a really big thank you to MR A...you have been my rock through this, and cheared me up no end! Thank you honey xxxx
Right that aside, what has been going on with me....well i am feeling groovy as always, i have been in work doing some much needed over time, so i might not actually get my house repossessed next month lol!!
The weather is going to be proper pants here over the Easter weekend...deep joy. So luckily i have no plans, just as well as my finances wouldnt allow much more than a play on the swings at my local park !!!!!....might go out tomorrow night with some friends, as i dont drink i only spend £3.00 hee hee, cheap date or what?My friends and i are planning a trip to Thorpe park which i cant wait for, i love being scared senseless and screaming like a girlie on the rollercoasters, so i am in charge of accomodation....Which amazed me, as i am dizzy and fairly scatty so can see me booking a hotel in the wrong part of the country (sigh).....just hope i dont book some flea pit!!! hmmm i wanted to be in charge of tickets but not to worry lol!!
Mr A and i seem to be getting on great, which makes a pleasant cahnge for me, as usually the men i am attracted to turn out to be utter fookwits, and to date no signs of such behaviour, infact quite the opposite, i wont go on about this subject or i could have you here all day, as i am totally blown away by this guy! And it looks like a meeting is taking place in the not to distant future....this is where it will all go horribly wrong lol, i am a dizzy clumsy kinda soul, so lets hope he can cope with that lol. I am really excited/terrified/scared/stressed/exstatic/worried/lookinh forward to it...these emotions and more as time gets closer lol. But in the whole i am hoping our "ten minute rule*" pays of in my favour hee hee!! Well i havent put any weight on.....which i see as a good thing, but my doc is not so sure, so i get my blood results back on tuesday, so hopefully all is groovy there, and i do not get put back on meds, otherwise i will balloon up again, and then the meeting will be cancelled, cant meet the man of my dreams looking like a HEFER!!!!!! Yikes.
* ten minute rule = we have to touch each other in the first 10 minutes so we know if we like each other or not!
Just another day!
Ok a quick catch up in my crazy world!!Work is going bonkers at the moment!! but i like it busy and chaotic, reminds me of my head lol!!! Hmmm i have to gain weight now...and i have managed to lose another 2lbs!! answers on a post card please!!! to be honest i have hardly eaten, as i am not having to watch what i eat!!! turns out i just dont bother lol!! oh well hey ho!!
Turns out SSW was wanting into my pants ewwwwwwwwww!!! she asked me out for a drink this evening!!! ohhhh myyyyy godddddddddddd!! hmmm i thought to myself i get no interest for fecking months, and then like buses......2 folk turn up at once, but only one is the right gender!!I was very diplomatic, and said ermmmi have kind of met someone and HE is lovely, and HE seems really nice and HE seems to care and HE seems to like me just the way i am!!
to which she replies......how do you know you wouldnt like me!! at which point i replied....because i am NOT a tuppence licker...not even with clingfilm over your fanjita!!! well ....she left quickly after that.....and i ran back to my car lol!!! so guys ....you were right!!!
I got my broken nail fixed....against their advice...and it burnt....more than my gums when i whitened my teeth ffs, was expensive too, but not as expensive as the blinds i had to replace oooops!!! tee hee!!All in all, life is good in my world right now, Mr A and i seem to be pretty keen and balanced so this good.....he might not feel the same when he meets me and discovers my life really is just like my tales!! as they are all true!! lol.Back at the docs tomorrow.....hoping to avoid a lecture...and MRSA lol!!!
Calories...unsure....ermmm possibly 1000
Kisses 0 >>>>>had a few on emails though and they count when in a drought like i am lol
Chances to lick tuppence 1
times licked tuppence 0
thoughts of MR A 8543
Turns out SSW was wanting into my pants ewwwwwwwwww!!! she asked me out for a drink this evening!!! ohhhh myyyyy godddddddddddd!! hmmm i thought to myself i get no interest for fecking months, and then like buses......2 folk turn up at once, but only one is the right gender!!I was very diplomatic, and said ermmmi have kind of met someone and HE is lovely, and HE seems really nice and HE seems to care and HE seems to like me just the way i am!!
to which she replies......how do you know you wouldnt like me!! at which point i replied....because i am NOT a tuppence licker...not even with clingfilm over your fanjita!!! well ....she left quickly after that.....and i ran back to my car lol!!! so guys ....you were right!!!
I got my broken nail fixed....against their advice...and it burnt....more than my gums when i whitened my teeth ffs, was expensive too, but not as expensive as the blinds i had to replace oooops!!! tee hee!!All in all, life is good in my world right now, Mr A and i seem to be pretty keen and balanced so this good.....he might not feel the same when he meets me and discovers my life really is just like my tales!! as they are all true!! lol.Back at the docs tomorrow.....hoping to avoid a lecture...and MRSA lol!!!
Calories...unsure....ermmm possibly 1000
Kisses 0 >>>>>had a few on emails though and they count when in a drought like i am lol
Chances to lick tuppence 1
times licked tuppence 0
thoughts of MR A 8543
Misery Diet Contd
********************** Day 30 *************************
HMmmmm slept in today! AGAIN, and i had an earlish night!! so had to pay for parking again, which does my head in !!Well been a bit of an boring day, probably because i had no close encounters of the animal kind......thank god!!!Not much to report at all to be honest!! You may notice i havent started with what i ate...well i went to the docs today, and he said i have lost too much weight!! hmmm as if!! the guy is clearly blind, so for the next few days i am just going to eat!! like a normal person, I got weighed a month ago at the docs, and according to his scales today....30 days later.......i have lost 2 stone 1lb....hmmm he may have a point, half a stone a week is not good, and i wasnt that fat to start with, so i have to go back next week....so i need to have put on at least 2lbs, which will take no time at all hee hee!! then i can get back to my diet....hell i dont wanna show up and meet MR A looking like the back end of a bus lol!!! So i will play the docs game for now, i know why he is worried, i used to have an eating disorder in the past, but i am so over that, my days of living of half a tomato and a loo roll are well and truely over!!!!! plus looking back i was too thin!!! hmmmmmm why worry is what i want to be saying to myself lol!!So really apart from a few emails and a phone call that brightened myday, it has been all in all a bit of a flat day today, might leave the tales for a now, until i have something more exciting to tell you all :)xx
********************* Day 29 ************************
Ok so today was not off to the best start...i MAJORLY slept in, so missed my free parking space.........so another 4 quid wasted grrrrrr!!
So i must get up when my alarm goes of tomorrow, and not just snuggle back into my duvet and think "ahhh it will be ok" i am not a morning person at all.As for the diet, well today was not a good diet day so i am not going to post what i ate but lets just say there was a chelsea bun involved in my downfall lol!!!
I am at the Docs tomorrow anyway, to find out if all is well in the world of Al.
So work was fun, yup you read it right, fun....i spent most of my day getting on with stuff in general, and finished at 2pm....woooohoooooo, well kinda wooooohoooo, i was walking my friends dog for her, simple task indeed i thought....hmmmmm!!!
So i get to friends house, let myself in....forget about fecking burglar alarm...but when the high shrill beeps start i remember....but ermmmm forget code!! dammmittt, so after some crazy number punching and stressing it finally comes back to me, and on my third and final attempt the noise stops!! Phewwwwww !....but then a little voice in my head is asking me....are you sure it is deactivated and not just gone silent cos the police are on their way!!!!! god dam those voices!!!!
I find lead and try and get dog on lead, which is tricky when it is half greyhound half ermmm chewbakka!! its a big dog.....and quite a jumpy dog...as i discovered after being knocked over twice!! Trying to get the clip of the lead onto the collar proves to be something of a mensa test, as i cant get the dog to sit down!! grrrrrrrrr!!
Finally i manage it....and head of for the park and grass area...now this lead is cool, it is like a little lead, but you press a button and the dog can run ahead as it gets longer, then you can retract it in.....fool proof surely!! ermmm nope....i click the button to get the lead to shorten, and nothing happens, except the dog is almost in the next county to me ffs!!!
So i think what the heck....and let it roam on extra long lead!! until it gets wrapped around a ford fiesta!! now the lead is jammed under one of the wheels !! dog pulling in one direction me in another...this is going nowhere fast!!.
So i unclip the dog who has now wrapped all the lead around the car, and is starting to get out of breathe...and the sound of me undoing the clip must have sounded to the dog like a starting pistol....and the greyhound half took of like sh1t of a greasy stick....i swear i think it was bred with shurgar!! well i left the lead wrapped around the car and chased the dog...and it was going well until the dog made it to the park.....and so did my cuban heeled boots...so i am chasing this lolopping eejut dog over very wet ground, and my heels are sinking right into the earth with every step...and then i realise i have either got a form of spina bifida all of a sudden ....or when i pulled my heel out that last time.....the heel didnt follow...fan fooking tastic!!
i am now chasing a dog built for catching hares in a 4 inch heeled boot and a flat one!!Luckily the dog spots a small child with a bag of crisps so stops dead...thus giving me the edge...and i make time on it, grab it by the collar just before it leaps on the kid....and manage to drag it back to the fiesta...where i am kinda now officially screwed, i need both hands to get lead....but dare not let go of the slobbery beast in my left hand!! so i make an executive decision, and i will let the dog drag me back to the house, and come back for the lead.....well to be honest, the dog made that decison, as it is stronger than me, i just conformed......
...so we get back and i realise dog still hasnt actually done its buisness, so i go to open the blinds at the patio doors to let the dog out into the garden, but the dog is excited, and runs through the vertical blinds and gets caught up in them ffs!!! i hear ripping noises and a creaking, and the whole lot comes down!! oooops!open door and let the dog and blinds out, and go back to get the lead.
Whilst undoing lead from car, the woman comes out and asks me what i am doing...now the voice in my head returns, and it is telling me to say....."i am letting ya tyres down" but she looks posh and angry...so i think i better now!! only i have already said it before i have time to explain the ferral dog thing...she glowers and tells me she will get the police!!
i say oh dont bother calling them, i think they are on their way as i broke into that house over there and set their burglar alarm off, so it is just a matter of time.
ohhh for fooks sake.... why do i do this i ask myself, i apologise, and explain the situation...kinda...and unwrap lead while she is watching my every move, and i walk...well bob back to the house, wish i at least had two heals for some dignity!!!
Why are the simple tasks so tricky for me?So i get home and i have had a bit of a strange day emotionally today...i was asked out again by guy from Saturday night(Mr B), and lunch on sunday, and initially i say yes, dinner and a movie tonight was the suggestion...seems fair enough, nothing planned as it happens, as the friend i normally see on a Tuesday will be busy reparing her blinds when she gets back from her day trip!!
But thing is see......i do like someone else, and its a crazy situation, that i cant explain, as this other guy, well he is ermmmm, well like, just about the closest thing to godddammm perfect i have found....i love his company, and he makes me laugh, and he is gorgeous, and intelligent, and doesnt mind that my life coasts from one disaster to another....( i mean read my tales for proof), and he makes me feel positive about myself, and it cheers me up when i hear his voice, or read his messages(Mr A), so if i go to dinner with Mr B, i feel like it is wrong.....i feel i would be sitting there wishing i was with Mr A!! and that isnt fair on anyone, so i do the right thing, and cancel dinner wth Mr B, who seems slightly upset !!, and let Mr A know that dinner is cancelled with Mr B...and he says he is pleased woooohoooo!! progress lol, cos the thing is....i havent met Mr A .....but i intend to! But just not yet, things complicated and as my old mum used to say..dont fix what isnt broken yadda yadda....so i feel so releived for cancelling dinner, as i knew it would be disasterous!!So well done me!!
So now i am not doing dinner with Mr B, i decide i will pop and see my friend, not the one who is fixing blinds, but my other friend Lou, whos birthday it was yesterday, well she is amazed i cancelled dinner so happily lets me in to get all the girly gossip, heehee!!
Now the storm is a coming up here, and my little car is not good in the wind....so as i am driving home, the wheelie bins are making my journey home as they are waltzing up the street like a pack of darleks!! it looks like a scene from twister in my grove.....i am sure i saw a coconut go flying by ffs...so i get home and it is too early to go to bed, so i decide i will bleach my teeth......which was all going well until i went to clean them after and discover my tooth brush needs charged and i cant find the charger.....ffs...so i am sitting here eating sugar puffs, to take away the bleach taste, and i am sure it will be fine once the swelling in my lips goes down and the tingling in my gums stops!!!maybe there is a reason you should get this done at the dentist huh?So all in all a good day.
Calories - classified
Dogs lost 0
Blinds ruined 1
Boots ruined 1
Kisses 349 <--- not actual kisses but virtual ones from Mr A woooohoooo it was a kiss fest i tells thee lol
Gums melted 28%xx
********************** DAY 28 *********************
Got up late today, 8am!!! so no free parking space for me booohooo, i will try harder tomorrow lol!!Didnt have breakfast, but the morning went really fast! wooohooo, which is always a bonus, it was my friends birthday birthday today, so thought i better get my finger out and get her a present....so i went on a sun bed to think over the present options lol!!! I decided on some estee lauder moisturiser she had mentioned....and a boots gift card, well you can get all sorts in there lol!!! So i remortgaged my house to get the moisturiser...FFS how much...i told the orange girl behind the counter, i just wanted the one bottle of it, and not shares in the company, she just made a funny noise in my general direction...maybe if she had smiled her inch thick plastered on makeup would have cracked and fallen off!! why do the women in dept stores insist on wearing so much orange make up....then offer me a make over...AS IF ...ffs lol!!!I made a call and had a giggle, always cheers a girl up chatting to a friend who is funny. It started to rain grrrrrrr....and my naturally curly hair was getting worse and worse as it got wetter and wetter!!....Then i went to buy the birthday card...well those funny cards have me roaring my head off with laughter...i laughed so much that i made my mascara run...ahhh no worries i can sort that out when i get back to work...triumphant in my choice of card i left the shop, red in the face from sunbed/laughing, mascara runs down both cheeks, hair up in a pony tail and frizzy from the rain, and then....as luck would have it, i bump into this totally dishy guy who fancies me, he is one of the most elidgable guys in town, and sweet, when he found out i was single...he wrote his number on my coffee cup awwwwwwwwww! ...well he just looked at me, and i looked at him, said hi...smiled and mumbled something about laughing, sunbeds and sorry!! he raised an eyebrow and left lol!!...now just for bad i almost text him...hee hee ....just to stress him out because trust me.....i reckon he was regretting giving me his number after that lol!!!Get back to work, and the afternoon flies in....but we are having an easter egg competion ffs.....sigh.....and my team is doing snow white and the seven dwarfs...and i got doc!! i mean ffs DOC!!! i wanted dopey, but no point in having a tantrum...so i have to boil and egg and dress it like doc.....hmmmmmm !! i wish i had watched a bit more blue peter now, infact i wish i had an egg lol!!!....now for those who know me, i cant sew....dont even own a needle...so wishing i had a needle right now....i cant cook, cant sew and dont swallow.....Jeeez no wonder i am SINGLE lol!!!!After work i took big gay dave to buy a microwave.....NEVER again!! ....i am one of the few women who doesnt love shopping, unless it is for boots lol.......and to be stood infront of a wall of microwaves, worrying if they pinged or dinged was just too much for me, i nearly cried, in the end i just grabbed one and said this one will do..it looks nice! lol.Dropped present of at friends, had a rant about the state of the country and went home lol.Dinner was pasta.Calories 450kisses 0 <----someone better sort this out soon ffsBad thoughts about killing big gay dave with a microwave 7pounds lost last week 4 <----hmmm but i havent been to the gym much!!xx
*************Weekend******************
Ok so i have had a busy weekend, so not been on line much, alot of the reason i was busy is because my friends mum is dying, and i have been over helping her out with my little god son, so she has been free to be at the hospital, its very distressing, and hard, so no Comedy in me at the moment!Last night (saturday) however it was another friends birthday, and instead of going to a big private party over the north east, we just stayed in town, incase i got the call i had been dreading to go over to my other friends house!Well it turned out we had a riot in town, its been ages since i have been out and had a real laugh!As many of you know i dont drink....not for any other reason than i just make a general show of myself ...and to be honest i am much better company sober, and i tend not to wake up in police cells with a bad head...and little memory of the night before lol!!We went for a meal to a place called Le Gal, and if you ever end up in my city i highly reccomend it, very pleasant! Then round some bars, and there was a tasty guy in one, who kept looking over at us, mainly because i was acting the fool......for a change...honest! i thought he was after my friend Lou, who is so beautiful it should be illegal!!! So when he started coming over ...i gave lou 20p and told her to call her mum cos she wasnt coming home lol.....old joke, ...but he strolled up to ME!!! ffs, clearly this guy doesnt know me lol, cos he is either drunk, blind,brave or stupid, or a combination of all 4 heehee!!!!Now when i am in the company of an attractive man, i turn into an idiot.....so i go from being loud and out going into a quivvering wreck, my comedy leaves me and so does my voice grrrrrrr!!!He starts giving it, you seem like a live wire yadda yadda!!!....hmmmm...then comes the guarenteed compliments....god your eyes are amazing!!! your cute, and what a cracking ass i have lol,and your so funny....he had clearly been paying close attention pml!! i ask him if he needs to go to specsavers!! and he comes back with a witty reply....now for those who know me intelligence and humour are really important to me in a man!! the fact he was 6ft 4, tanned and had glasses and a rather well kept piece of facial topiary was just a bonus lol!! All my mates are giving me the "get in" signal from behind his back lol.......so we banter for about 5 minutes, but i just want him to go and leave me alone to be honest, as i am totally MORTIFIED.....i pretend i get a text message and reply, but actually to Lou to say drink up and lets get out of here...so she does...thank god for good friends!!!...as i say bye he asks for my phone number wooohooooo Result to Al ;)I give the guy my number, well i have nothing to lose, and he clearly wont bother getting in touch....or so i think!!!!But i went to lunch with him today......and he is pretty pleasant as blokes go!! but the thing is.....i dont really want a partner at the moment, i have my eye on someone, and i want to hold out for this other guy, but as usual there are complications with him, distance ....lol,.... an ex, but i feel a real connection to the guy and want to see what happens! so i reckon he is worth the punt!!!Plus i want some time on my own, just to recover from my previous relationship, these things take time! So i explain this to Bar guy, and he seems cool, he is a little bit younger than me...which is the way i like em lol....so i may do dinner with him this week,i am not sure, Hmmmmmmm a tricky one huh?!?.......may ring samaratians for some advice lol!!!So all in all a bit of a good weekend lol!! Xx
**************Day 25*****************
I got woken up by a text message an hour before my alarm went off!! YOU know who you are lol...now one thing about me do not wake me up early...i am not a morning person ffs!!!! it is not wise to disturb the sleep of a girl who didnt go to bed until 2am...is recovering from cancer, and a kidney infection and living of 500 cals a day..it isnt not a pretty sight!!!!I just went back to sleep, and got up 8am...as planned!!Breakfast2 Ryvitta and cottage cheese yummy!!Work was boring and my day was really dragging, so i was glad when lunch time came round...jumped on a sun bed, made a call and went back to a long afternoon, i didnt bother with lunch which was lucky as i had left it at home lol!!!I decided at 3.30 i had had enough of it all, so decide to head of home, but not before taunting a friend about leaving early...and just as i went to open the car door...feckingggg hell, my thumb nail bent back and broke! Noooooooooooooooooooo...now that is Karma for sure :( The nail was half on and half off, and my thumb was proper bleeding, so i thought i would pop up to the salon and see if i could get it sorted! But they refused because of the blood!!! ...Now it might have been the acrylic fumes but i kind of over reacted and stamped my foot, and may have even made a small hmph noise as i stormed out...oops!I drove home with my half nail and bleeding thumb got in and found some clippers, got rid of the half nail bit...now i am no good with blood at all....and started to feel a bit dizzy, i know....i will put something over it so i dont catch it, or see it!! only i am not the type of chick to have a first aid box or the like, so i compromised rather well i thought, i got some loo roll, and wrapped it around about 20 times, and then found 2 plaster, one is a pink barbie one, and the other is a zebra print one...funky thumb, decide a sweet cup of tea is what is called for, so just brewing up when the door goes.....sigh!!...open door with sore hand ..and shout out ya fecker...open door and it is the bloody MP from yesterday!!Just popped back to see if your toilet was ok and to leave some leaflets...he holds out his hand to shake mine......and he holds out his left, so i have to bring my right hand from behind the door....and he is met with my make shift dressing which has made my thumb the size of shreks!!!....well this guy now must think i am a pure idiot...he just stared, and i am sure he was scared!! So nervously i mumbled something about Karma and it being my friends Martins fault....and barbie plasters, and explaining why i actually owned one!! He then said, i think you should vote for the other party, and left!!!!! hmmm i wonder if he thinks he will re address the care in the community policy if he gets in lol!! on the up side he did have different trousers on....i waved my big pink shrek thumb at him as he wandered off, looking back once, to make sure i wasnt following him dressed as my mother and weilding a carving knife no doubt lol!!And that has been my day.I am not having dinner tonight either, as it is nearly 5pm and like you all know i dont eat after 5!! i blame my thumb injury for the lack of food. So now i am off to cut all my other nails short, as there is nothing worse than a bird with long and short nails on the same hand....the only reason i have long nails is because i am really short and little, i have small hands....so once nails are cut i will have the hands of a five year old again ffs!!!
Calories 105
Kisses 0
Thumb injuries 1
Embarrassig moments with MPs 1
************* DAY 24 *****************
Got up early today, and i didnt even have too lol (pats self on back)Realised that the toilet cleaner block was missing from around my loo!! hmmmm some kind of new thief i wonder, left my xbox 360 and flat screen monster TV...but stole my toilet freshner..i will investigate later!!Made it into work by 8.15 wooohooo!!Breakfast was a friendly bacteria yoghurt hmmm yummy!!Work was pretty mundane..plodded through the morning, and at lunch time had a lovely salad (shame you cant pick up on the sarcasm in my voice there lol).Didnt go to the gym today as still full of cold grrrr!!Left work at 3 hee hee easy street!! got home nipped to loo....realised when i flushed that it was blocked ffs.......penny drops...i know where the loo cleaner is now!!...down the bloody u bend!Now i have never unblocked a loo before...so i dont actually know where to begin...realistically the only thing i can think of is putting my hand down the pan...ewwwww!!....so i pour lots of bleach down the pan....get a pair of rubber gloves and 2 carrier bags, put gloves on, then carrier bags right up to my elbows, and secure them in place with elastic bands....in i go....now i cant even see the damn thing, and i wouldnt be able to feel a porcupine through all the layers but i fish around for a good 5 mins trying to see if i can find it!! NOPE......so i wonder if i pushed if further down the pipe work....so in my girly wisdon i decide i will flush....ermmmm NO !! bad move...i stand watchign the water rising higher and higher, feckkkkk it over flows so i grab my dark pink bath towel and fire it on the floor. KNOCK KNOCK at my door, so in half panic, half despair, i run down stairs and open door...yup you guessed it....covered in eud de toilet and with two tesco carrier bags on my arms!!!Lets just say the local MP suddenly lost his ...have you decide who you will vote for...speech, and asked if everything was ok lol!! MORTIFIED!!!!I told him i wear these bags for protection from blood splatter makes cleaning up afterwards easier...well i thought it was funny, he just reached for his mobile, i thought he was about to call the police, so i quickly explained the situation, and said i had to get back to fishing out the toilet cleaner!! He asked if i needed a hand,.....need a hand ermmmmm slightly!!!So i say i am struggling, trying to pull my top down slightly and flutter my eye lashes, hard to look sexy in a now slowly bleaching top and tesco carrier bags...which by the way are NOT water tight (lesson to self)!!So MP comes upstairs kneels on the damp towel and rolls up his sleeve, he pumps the loo brush a couple of times down the pan.....flushes...and hey presto.....my toilet is fixed...so this guy gets my vote...damn should have asked him which team he played for or who he was....as he walked off..with the aroma of bleach wafting behind him, i thanked him and waved from my bag clad arm...went upstairs and my pink towel is now yellow in places...so god knows what the knees on his trousers are gonna look like in ten minutes time lmao!!!So all in all a typical day in my life lol!! xx
***************** DAY 23*****************
Not much to report today, staggered into work at 8.30 after big gay dave woke me up, asking what time i was going into work as he was waiting outside my front door!!! ffs i was hoping to have a 10am start too!!I am full of cold and feel like pooooo!! but i had to go in as had a union meeting to attend, so my whole day was taken up with that, with a quick 20 minute lunch!!So not much at all happened today!!!Calories 680Kisses 0
HMmmmm slept in today! AGAIN, and i had an earlish night!! so had to pay for parking again, which does my head in !!Well been a bit of an boring day, probably because i had no close encounters of the animal kind......thank god!!!Not much to report at all to be honest!! You may notice i havent started with what i ate...well i went to the docs today, and he said i have lost too much weight!! hmmm as if!! the guy is clearly blind, so for the next few days i am just going to eat!! like a normal person, I got weighed a month ago at the docs, and according to his scales today....30 days later.......i have lost 2 stone 1lb....hmmm he may have a point, half a stone a week is not good, and i wasnt that fat to start with, so i have to go back next week....so i need to have put on at least 2lbs, which will take no time at all hee hee!! then i can get back to my diet....hell i dont wanna show up and meet MR A looking like the back end of a bus lol!!! So i will play the docs game for now, i know why he is worried, i used to have an eating disorder in the past, but i am so over that, my days of living of half a tomato and a loo roll are well and truely over!!!!! plus looking back i was too thin!!! hmmmmmm why worry is what i want to be saying to myself lol!!So really apart from a few emails and a phone call that brightened myday, it has been all in all a bit of a flat day today, might leave the tales for a now, until i have something more exciting to tell you all :)xx
********************* Day 29 ************************
Ok so today was not off to the best start...i MAJORLY slept in, so missed my free parking space.........so another 4 quid wasted grrrrrr!!
So i must get up when my alarm goes of tomorrow, and not just snuggle back into my duvet and think "ahhh it will be ok" i am not a morning person at all.As for the diet, well today was not a good diet day so i am not going to post what i ate but lets just say there was a chelsea bun involved in my downfall lol!!!
I am at the Docs tomorrow anyway, to find out if all is well in the world of Al.
So work was fun, yup you read it right, fun....i spent most of my day getting on with stuff in general, and finished at 2pm....woooohoooooo, well kinda wooooohoooo, i was walking my friends dog for her, simple task indeed i thought....hmmmmm!!!
So i get to friends house, let myself in....forget about fecking burglar alarm...but when the high shrill beeps start i remember....but ermmmm forget code!! dammmittt, so after some crazy number punching and stressing it finally comes back to me, and on my third and final attempt the noise stops!! Phewwwwww !....but then a little voice in my head is asking me....are you sure it is deactivated and not just gone silent cos the police are on their way!!!!! god dam those voices!!!!
I find lead and try and get dog on lead, which is tricky when it is half greyhound half ermmm chewbakka!! its a big dog.....and quite a jumpy dog...as i discovered after being knocked over twice!! Trying to get the clip of the lead onto the collar proves to be something of a mensa test, as i cant get the dog to sit down!! grrrrrrrrr!!
Finally i manage it....and head of for the park and grass area...now this lead is cool, it is like a little lead, but you press a button and the dog can run ahead as it gets longer, then you can retract it in.....fool proof surely!! ermmm nope....i click the button to get the lead to shorten, and nothing happens, except the dog is almost in the next county to me ffs!!!
So i think what the heck....and let it roam on extra long lead!! until it gets wrapped around a ford fiesta!! now the lead is jammed under one of the wheels !! dog pulling in one direction me in another...this is going nowhere fast!!.
So i unclip the dog who has now wrapped all the lead around the car, and is starting to get out of breathe...and the sound of me undoing the clip must have sounded to the dog like a starting pistol....and the greyhound half took of like sh1t of a greasy stick....i swear i think it was bred with shurgar!! well i left the lead wrapped around the car and chased the dog...and it was going well until the dog made it to the park.....and so did my cuban heeled boots...so i am chasing this lolopping eejut dog over very wet ground, and my heels are sinking right into the earth with every step...and then i realise i have either got a form of spina bifida all of a sudden ....or when i pulled my heel out that last time.....the heel didnt follow...fan fooking tastic!!
i am now chasing a dog built for catching hares in a 4 inch heeled boot and a flat one!!Luckily the dog spots a small child with a bag of crisps so stops dead...thus giving me the edge...and i make time on it, grab it by the collar just before it leaps on the kid....and manage to drag it back to the fiesta...where i am kinda now officially screwed, i need both hands to get lead....but dare not let go of the slobbery beast in my left hand!! so i make an executive decision, and i will let the dog drag me back to the house, and come back for the lead.....well to be honest, the dog made that decison, as it is stronger than me, i just conformed......
...so we get back and i realise dog still hasnt actually done its buisness, so i go to open the blinds at the patio doors to let the dog out into the garden, but the dog is excited, and runs through the vertical blinds and gets caught up in them ffs!!! i hear ripping noises and a creaking, and the whole lot comes down!! oooops!open door and let the dog and blinds out, and go back to get the lead.
Whilst undoing lead from car, the woman comes out and asks me what i am doing...now the voice in my head returns, and it is telling me to say....."i am letting ya tyres down" but she looks posh and angry...so i think i better now!! only i have already said it before i have time to explain the ferral dog thing...she glowers and tells me she will get the police!!
i say oh dont bother calling them, i think they are on their way as i broke into that house over there and set their burglar alarm off, so it is just a matter of time.
ohhh for fooks sake.... why do i do this i ask myself, i apologise, and explain the situation...kinda...and unwrap lead while she is watching my every move, and i walk...well bob back to the house, wish i at least had two heals for some dignity!!!
Why are the simple tasks so tricky for me?So i get home and i have had a bit of a strange day emotionally today...i was asked out again by guy from Saturday night(Mr B), and lunch on sunday, and initially i say yes, dinner and a movie tonight was the suggestion...seems fair enough, nothing planned as it happens, as the friend i normally see on a Tuesday will be busy reparing her blinds when she gets back from her day trip!!
But thing is see......i do like someone else, and its a crazy situation, that i cant explain, as this other guy, well he is ermmmm, well like, just about the closest thing to godddammm perfect i have found....i love his company, and he makes me laugh, and he is gorgeous, and intelligent, and doesnt mind that my life coasts from one disaster to another....( i mean read my tales for proof), and he makes me feel positive about myself, and it cheers me up when i hear his voice, or read his messages(Mr A), so if i go to dinner with Mr B, i feel like it is wrong.....i feel i would be sitting there wishing i was with Mr A!! and that isnt fair on anyone, so i do the right thing, and cancel dinner wth Mr B, who seems slightly upset !!, and let Mr A know that dinner is cancelled with Mr B...and he says he is pleased woooohoooo!! progress lol, cos the thing is....i havent met Mr A .....but i intend to! But just not yet, things complicated and as my old mum used to say..dont fix what isnt broken yadda yadda....so i feel so releived for cancelling dinner, as i knew it would be disasterous!!So well done me!!
So now i am not doing dinner with Mr B, i decide i will pop and see my friend, not the one who is fixing blinds, but my other friend Lou, whos birthday it was yesterday, well she is amazed i cancelled dinner so happily lets me in to get all the girly gossip, heehee!!
Now the storm is a coming up here, and my little car is not good in the wind....so as i am driving home, the wheelie bins are making my journey home as they are waltzing up the street like a pack of darleks!! it looks like a scene from twister in my grove.....i am sure i saw a coconut go flying by ffs...so i get home and it is too early to go to bed, so i decide i will bleach my teeth......which was all going well until i went to clean them after and discover my tooth brush needs charged and i cant find the charger.....ffs...so i am sitting here eating sugar puffs, to take away the bleach taste, and i am sure it will be fine once the swelling in my lips goes down and the tingling in my gums stops!!!maybe there is a reason you should get this done at the dentist huh?So all in all a good day.
Calories - classified
Dogs lost 0
Blinds ruined 1
Boots ruined 1
Kisses 349 <--- not actual kisses but virtual ones from Mr A woooohoooo it was a kiss fest i tells thee lol
Gums melted 28%xx
********************** DAY 28 *********************
Got up late today, 8am!!! so no free parking space for me booohooo, i will try harder tomorrow lol!!Didnt have breakfast, but the morning went really fast! wooohooo, which is always a bonus, it was my friends birthday birthday today, so thought i better get my finger out and get her a present....so i went on a sun bed to think over the present options lol!!! I decided on some estee lauder moisturiser she had mentioned....and a boots gift card, well you can get all sorts in there lol!!! So i remortgaged my house to get the moisturiser...FFS how much...i told the orange girl behind the counter, i just wanted the one bottle of it, and not shares in the company, she just made a funny noise in my general direction...maybe if she had smiled her inch thick plastered on makeup would have cracked and fallen off!! why do the women in dept stores insist on wearing so much orange make up....then offer me a make over...AS IF ...ffs lol!!!I made a call and had a giggle, always cheers a girl up chatting to a friend who is funny. It started to rain grrrrrrr....and my naturally curly hair was getting worse and worse as it got wetter and wetter!!....Then i went to buy the birthday card...well those funny cards have me roaring my head off with laughter...i laughed so much that i made my mascara run...ahhh no worries i can sort that out when i get back to work...triumphant in my choice of card i left the shop, red in the face from sunbed/laughing, mascara runs down both cheeks, hair up in a pony tail and frizzy from the rain, and then....as luck would have it, i bump into this totally dishy guy who fancies me, he is one of the most elidgable guys in town, and sweet, when he found out i was single...he wrote his number on my coffee cup awwwwwwwwww! ...well he just looked at me, and i looked at him, said hi...smiled and mumbled something about laughing, sunbeds and sorry!! he raised an eyebrow and left lol!!...now just for bad i almost text him...hee hee ....just to stress him out because trust me.....i reckon he was regretting giving me his number after that lol!!!Get back to work, and the afternoon flies in....but we are having an easter egg competion ffs.....sigh.....and my team is doing snow white and the seven dwarfs...and i got doc!! i mean ffs DOC!!! i wanted dopey, but no point in having a tantrum...so i have to boil and egg and dress it like doc.....hmmmmmm !! i wish i had watched a bit more blue peter now, infact i wish i had an egg lol!!!....now for those who know me, i cant sew....dont even own a needle...so wishing i had a needle right now....i cant cook, cant sew and dont swallow.....Jeeez no wonder i am SINGLE lol!!!!After work i took big gay dave to buy a microwave.....NEVER again!! ....i am one of the few women who doesnt love shopping, unless it is for boots lol.......and to be stood infront of a wall of microwaves, worrying if they pinged or dinged was just too much for me, i nearly cried, in the end i just grabbed one and said this one will do..it looks nice! lol.Dropped present of at friends, had a rant about the state of the country and went home lol.Dinner was pasta.Calories 450kisses 0 <----someone better sort this out soon ffsBad thoughts about killing big gay dave with a microwave 7pounds lost last week 4 <----hmmm but i havent been to the gym much!!xx
*************Weekend******************
Ok so i have had a busy weekend, so not been on line much, alot of the reason i was busy is because my friends mum is dying, and i have been over helping her out with my little god son, so she has been free to be at the hospital, its very distressing, and hard, so no Comedy in me at the moment!Last night (saturday) however it was another friends birthday, and instead of going to a big private party over the north east, we just stayed in town, incase i got the call i had been dreading to go over to my other friends house!Well it turned out we had a riot in town, its been ages since i have been out and had a real laugh!As many of you know i dont drink....not for any other reason than i just make a general show of myself ...and to be honest i am much better company sober, and i tend not to wake up in police cells with a bad head...and little memory of the night before lol!!We went for a meal to a place called Le Gal, and if you ever end up in my city i highly reccomend it, very pleasant! Then round some bars, and there was a tasty guy in one, who kept looking over at us, mainly because i was acting the fool......for a change...honest! i thought he was after my friend Lou, who is so beautiful it should be illegal!!! So when he started coming over ...i gave lou 20p and told her to call her mum cos she wasnt coming home lol.....old joke, ...but he strolled up to ME!!! ffs, clearly this guy doesnt know me lol, cos he is either drunk, blind,brave or stupid, or a combination of all 4 heehee!!!!Now when i am in the company of an attractive man, i turn into an idiot.....so i go from being loud and out going into a quivvering wreck, my comedy leaves me and so does my voice grrrrrrr!!!He starts giving it, you seem like a live wire yadda yadda!!!....hmmmm...then comes the guarenteed compliments....god your eyes are amazing!!! your cute, and what a cracking ass i have lol,and your so funny....he had clearly been paying close attention pml!! i ask him if he needs to go to specsavers!! and he comes back with a witty reply....now for those who know me intelligence and humour are really important to me in a man!! the fact he was 6ft 4, tanned and had glasses and a rather well kept piece of facial topiary was just a bonus lol!! All my mates are giving me the "get in" signal from behind his back lol.......so we banter for about 5 minutes, but i just want him to go and leave me alone to be honest, as i am totally MORTIFIED.....i pretend i get a text message and reply, but actually to Lou to say drink up and lets get out of here...so she does...thank god for good friends!!!...as i say bye he asks for my phone number wooohooooo Result to Al ;)I give the guy my number, well i have nothing to lose, and he clearly wont bother getting in touch....or so i think!!!!But i went to lunch with him today......and he is pretty pleasant as blokes go!! but the thing is.....i dont really want a partner at the moment, i have my eye on someone, and i want to hold out for this other guy, but as usual there are complications with him, distance ....lol,.... an ex, but i feel a real connection to the guy and want to see what happens! so i reckon he is worth the punt!!!Plus i want some time on my own, just to recover from my previous relationship, these things take time! So i explain this to Bar guy, and he seems cool, he is a little bit younger than me...which is the way i like em lol....so i may do dinner with him this week,i am not sure, Hmmmmmmm a tricky one huh?!?.......may ring samaratians for some advice lol!!!So all in all a bit of a good weekend lol!! Xx
**************Day 25*****************
I got woken up by a text message an hour before my alarm went off!! YOU know who you are lol...now one thing about me do not wake me up early...i am not a morning person ffs!!!! it is not wise to disturb the sleep of a girl who didnt go to bed until 2am...is recovering from cancer, and a kidney infection and living of 500 cals a day..it isnt not a pretty sight!!!!I just went back to sleep, and got up 8am...as planned!!Breakfast2 Ryvitta and cottage cheese yummy!!Work was boring and my day was really dragging, so i was glad when lunch time came round...jumped on a sun bed, made a call and went back to a long afternoon, i didnt bother with lunch which was lucky as i had left it at home lol!!!I decided at 3.30 i had had enough of it all, so decide to head of home, but not before taunting a friend about leaving early...and just as i went to open the car door...feckingggg hell, my thumb nail bent back and broke! Noooooooooooooooooooo...now that is Karma for sure :( The nail was half on and half off, and my thumb was proper bleeding, so i thought i would pop up to the salon and see if i could get it sorted! But they refused because of the blood!!! ...Now it might have been the acrylic fumes but i kind of over reacted and stamped my foot, and may have even made a small hmph noise as i stormed out...oops!I drove home with my half nail and bleeding thumb got in and found some clippers, got rid of the half nail bit...now i am no good with blood at all....and started to feel a bit dizzy, i know....i will put something over it so i dont catch it, or see it!! only i am not the type of chick to have a first aid box or the like, so i compromised rather well i thought, i got some loo roll, and wrapped it around about 20 times, and then found 2 plaster, one is a pink barbie one, and the other is a zebra print one...funky thumb, decide a sweet cup of tea is what is called for, so just brewing up when the door goes.....sigh!!...open door with sore hand ..and shout out ya fecker...open door and it is the bloody MP from yesterday!!Just popped back to see if your toilet was ok and to leave some leaflets...he holds out his hand to shake mine......and he holds out his left, so i have to bring my right hand from behind the door....and he is met with my make shift dressing which has made my thumb the size of shreks!!!....well this guy now must think i am a pure idiot...he just stared, and i am sure he was scared!! So nervously i mumbled something about Karma and it being my friends Martins fault....and barbie plasters, and explaining why i actually owned one!! He then said, i think you should vote for the other party, and left!!!!! hmmm i wonder if he thinks he will re address the care in the community policy if he gets in lol!! on the up side he did have different trousers on....i waved my big pink shrek thumb at him as he wandered off, looking back once, to make sure i wasnt following him dressed as my mother and weilding a carving knife no doubt lol!!And that has been my day.I am not having dinner tonight either, as it is nearly 5pm and like you all know i dont eat after 5!! i blame my thumb injury for the lack of food. So now i am off to cut all my other nails short, as there is nothing worse than a bird with long and short nails on the same hand....the only reason i have long nails is because i am really short and little, i have small hands....so once nails are cut i will have the hands of a five year old again ffs!!!
Calories 105
Kisses 0
Thumb injuries 1
Embarrassig moments with MPs 1
************* DAY 24 *****************
Got up early today, and i didnt even have too lol (pats self on back)Realised that the toilet cleaner block was missing from around my loo!! hmmmm some kind of new thief i wonder, left my xbox 360 and flat screen monster TV...but stole my toilet freshner..i will investigate later!!Made it into work by 8.15 wooohooo!!Breakfast was a friendly bacteria yoghurt hmmm yummy!!Work was pretty mundane..plodded through the morning, and at lunch time had a lovely salad (shame you cant pick up on the sarcasm in my voice there lol).Didnt go to the gym today as still full of cold grrrr!!Left work at 3 hee hee easy street!! got home nipped to loo....realised when i flushed that it was blocked ffs.......penny drops...i know where the loo cleaner is now!!...down the bloody u bend!Now i have never unblocked a loo before...so i dont actually know where to begin...realistically the only thing i can think of is putting my hand down the pan...ewwwww!!....so i pour lots of bleach down the pan....get a pair of rubber gloves and 2 carrier bags, put gloves on, then carrier bags right up to my elbows, and secure them in place with elastic bands....in i go....now i cant even see the damn thing, and i wouldnt be able to feel a porcupine through all the layers but i fish around for a good 5 mins trying to see if i can find it!! NOPE......so i wonder if i pushed if further down the pipe work....so in my girly wisdon i decide i will flush....ermmmm NO !! bad move...i stand watchign the water rising higher and higher, feckkkkk it over flows so i grab my dark pink bath towel and fire it on the floor. KNOCK KNOCK at my door, so in half panic, half despair, i run down stairs and open door...yup you guessed it....covered in eud de toilet and with two tesco carrier bags on my arms!!!Lets just say the local MP suddenly lost his ...have you decide who you will vote for...speech, and asked if everything was ok lol!! MORTIFIED!!!!I told him i wear these bags for protection from blood splatter makes cleaning up afterwards easier...well i thought it was funny, he just reached for his mobile, i thought he was about to call the police, so i quickly explained the situation, and said i had to get back to fishing out the toilet cleaner!! He asked if i needed a hand,.....need a hand ermmmmm slightly!!!So i say i am struggling, trying to pull my top down slightly and flutter my eye lashes, hard to look sexy in a now slowly bleaching top and tesco carrier bags...which by the way are NOT water tight (lesson to self)!!So MP comes upstairs kneels on the damp towel and rolls up his sleeve, he pumps the loo brush a couple of times down the pan.....flushes...and hey presto.....my toilet is fixed...so this guy gets my vote...damn should have asked him which team he played for or who he was....as he walked off..with the aroma of bleach wafting behind him, i thanked him and waved from my bag clad arm...went upstairs and my pink towel is now yellow in places...so god knows what the knees on his trousers are gonna look like in ten minutes time lmao!!!So all in all a typical day in my life lol!! xx
***************** DAY 23*****************
Not much to report today, staggered into work at 8.30 after big gay dave woke me up, asking what time i was going into work as he was waiting outside my front door!!! ffs i was hoping to have a 10am start too!!I am full of cold and feel like pooooo!! but i had to go in as had a union meeting to attend, so my whole day was taken up with that, with a quick 20 minute lunch!!So not much at all happened today!!!Calories 680Kisses 0
Weigh in!
******************** DAY 22*****************!!!
WEIGH IN DAY !!!Not up early today, no need as i have a parking space at work this week, so need to do the wacky races to the free spots, so i was at the docs at 9am to get my monthly blood taken grrrrr, but GREAT NEWS....my bloods are still improving so no need to go to Newcastle, and no need to go back on the medication that made me gain soooo much weight wooooooohooooooooooooo......drinks are on me lol!!Strolled into work at 10am...and had a plum to celebrate my good news. Caught up with everyone about the weekend etc, and then it was lunch time lol!!!Went for lunch, made a call, and then went to the gym.Tall handsome guy not there :( ....large lycra girl was there again, and she had new leggings on....now excuse me if they are not very similiar to my pink leggings!!! hmmmm........they look pretty stretched....and i am now thinking she took my leggings, god help us all when she pops the black over thong on....i paid £19 for that over thong, and trust me her arse will be munching on £17.50 worth ewwwwwwww !!I said hello to her, and i was relieved that SSW wasnt in....or so i thought....i am busy cycling like Lance Armstrong on speed, when she comes through the door and nearly knocks me off my bike, hugs me really tight...infact i wont lie.....TOO tightly, i can feel her boobs squashing into mine.....ewwwwwwww......i get the third degree...ooh have you been on holiday, "no" i reply, "wow you look so brown" ...so i explain i havent been in for a while cos of kidney, but have been on sunbed yadda yadda!! and she is over the moon that i am back....Hmmmm!!!!!!I finish my work out and go and get showered and changed, and once again she is outside my cubicle when i finish...partly clothed as usual...hmm that woman needs a razor!! I get questioned over why i havent text her, and did i still have her number, i lied and said yes of course i have!! ermmm lie....but what else can i say!!!!I leave quickly as she shouts i smell nice again!!hmmmm strange one!!Get back to work and PURE excitement.....i have got the chance to work away for 10 weeks......i have the choice of Bristol, Newmarket,Worcester, Nottingham and ermmm somewhere else....now i am excited because it means getting my butt out of this one horse town for a while, and also lots more money, which i really need right now. Got paid on friday paid all my bills and i have £40 left until the end of the month ffs...so i am thinking i may have to turn to prostitution!! lmao!!So i am going to sort out the dates i can go, and be warned...I MAY BE COMING TO A TOWN NEAR YOU!!!! lolSo all in all a grand day :)
Calories 520
Kisses 0
Lies told 1
Boob squishes 1 ewwwwww!!
Weight lost 6lbs woooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!i think that is a total of 17lbs now, that is over a stone. i am so chuffed i could peeeee lol!!!!
WEIGH IN DAY !!!Not up early today, no need as i have a parking space at work this week, so need to do the wacky races to the free spots, so i was at the docs at 9am to get my monthly blood taken grrrrr, but GREAT NEWS....my bloods are still improving so no need to go to Newcastle, and no need to go back on the medication that made me gain soooo much weight wooooooohooooooooooooo......drinks are on me lol!!Strolled into work at 10am...and had a plum to celebrate my good news. Caught up with everyone about the weekend etc, and then it was lunch time lol!!!Went for lunch, made a call, and then went to the gym.Tall handsome guy not there :( ....large lycra girl was there again, and she had new leggings on....now excuse me if they are not very similiar to my pink leggings!!! hmmmm........they look pretty stretched....and i am now thinking she took my leggings, god help us all when she pops the black over thong on....i paid £19 for that over thong, and trust me her arse will be munching on £17.50 worth ewwwwwwww !!I said hello to her, and i was relieved that SSW wasnt in....or so i thought....i am busy cycling like Lance Armstrong on speed, when she comes through the door and nearly knocks me off my bike, hugs me really tight...infact i wont lie.....TOO tightly, i can feel her boobs squashing into mine.....ewwwwwwww......i get the third degree...ooh have you been on holiday, "no" i reply, "wow you look so brown" ...so i explain i havent been in for a while cos of kidney, but have been on sunbed yadda yadda!! and she is over the moon that i am back....Hmmmm!!!!!!I finish my work out and go and get showered and changed, and once again she is outside my cubicle when i finish...partly clothed as usual...hmm that woman needs a razor!! I get questioned over why i havent text her, and did i still have her number, i lied and said yes of course i have!! ermmm lie....but what else can i say!!!!I leave quickly as she shouts i smell nice again!!hmmmm strange one!!Get back to work and PURE excitement.....i have got the chance to work away for 10 weeks......i have the choice of Bristol, Newmarket,Worcester, Nottingham and ermmm somewhere else....now i am excited because it means getting my butt out of this one horse town for a while, and also lots more money, which i really need right now. Got paid on friday paid all my bills and i have £40 left until the end of the month ffs...so i am thinking i may have to turn to prostitution!! lmao!!So i am going to sort out the dates i can go, and be warned...I MAY BE COMING TO A TOWN NEAR YOU!!!! lolSo all in all a grand day :)
Calories 520
Kisses 0
Lies told 1
Boob squishes 1 ewwwwww!!
Weight lost 6lbs woooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!i think that is a total of 17lbs now, that is over a stone. i am so chuffed i could peeeee lol!!!!
Diet and mothers day and beyond!!
****************Day 21 ****************
MOTHERS DAYI dont know what to say about today, no comedy slants today i am afraid, for me mothers day is one of the hardest days of the year!I lost my mum a couple of years ago, and she was my best friend, my rock, my support, and i miss her so much i could cry just thinking of her. People who say it gets easier with time....hmmmm i am not so sure, it is still is a physical pain for me, i feel robbed and cheated, she was only 65 and had only just retired! She brought 6 children up through some terrible adversities but never let us get seperated or go into care, even if it meant that she worked 3 jobs, and didnt eat so we could, she was robbed of an old age, and i was robbed of a mum. I miss just calling her, popping over for a brew and a gossip, going to her with anything that is bothering me, and taking her advice and feeling loved and secure.I miss her cuddles.I miss her smell.I miss her love.I miss her smile.I miss her laugh.Dont miss her gravy though, or her nagging me to eat!!!....sorry mum!!She had a fantastic sense of humour, and showed me how to love unconditionally and a sense of fairness and decency, but also when to draw the line. I owe everything i am to her.She never judged me...even when i made huge fook ups, of which i am renowned for lol!! no matter what pranks i had been up to she would say " i may not like you right now...but i will always love you" and this i never doubted for a second. She would make sure that we all had some one on one time with her a day, which must have been hard as i am sure she was shattered.She went without to fund my education.I would trade every penny i have to spend 10 minutes with her again. Basically i find today sad and distressing.Mum i love you with every fibre in my body, and only hope i can be half the person you were xxxNo food today.....couldnt face anything. Thanks for taking the time to find out a little about my mum xx
**********DAY 20 *****************
Well it was a bit of strange weekend, and dont want to share most of it....so i will edit it as appropriate lol!! sorry but some things a girl just needs to keep to herself.Friday night i started getting hassle of my crazy ex, and that kinda kept me up most of the night, but it is sorted now, and all is groovy again. Then i bumped into the man mountain that is that fat bird he thinks he chucked one up at the quiz night, well actually she bumped into me as she was leaving Greggs the bakers with a 2 bags of pies!! she said she "thought i had been cruel on thursday", i just looked at her, and replied "oh really why is that" and she said "because you and your friends were looking and laughing at me"...so i opened my handbag...took out my diary thumbed through it...while she looked on...and looked up at her( she is at least 5ft 11 ffs)...and replied..."well as far as i can see it still isnt a federal offence to rip the piss out of vile skip rats who sleep with my boyfriend, but when it is ...you be sure to come see me ok"....and walked off!!! Harsh i know, but i have cried a river over that girl..and she was brave to confront me...silly mare!!!So i go to meet a friend for lunch and discuss shopping and shoes mainly, and kill some time by going to ikea and buying a collander and a mat!! hmmmm retail therapy at its best lol!!!I go out on friday night and meet up with about 15 friends, and we have a good time, then i find out crazy ex has announced he is Bisexual in his drunken stupour on friday!! NICE huh!! for anyone who has answered my quiz on my profile,,,the one about how many men have left me for other men....has just gone up 1 ffs...must be me!! Got home, and went to bed!!
calories not sure but def not as many as fat chick!! prob about 600
Kisses 0
One ups on fat chick 1
xx
********************** DAY 19 ***********************
Back to normal today :)Breakfast was a plum ...then on with some work, today is payday, so sat most of the morning sorting bills out grrrrrr !!Lunch was a soup today and tasty it was too!!i left work at 3.30...naughty i know, and was walking to car when the wind whipped me off my feet and i fell in a snotty heap....MORTIFIED!!Was driving home and thought hmmm i need milk, so went and got some, walking back to car...and i have a flat tyre ffs...funny i thought the car wasnt driving right lol...i am such a girl hee hee!! so i thought i would change it ...but then thought feck it, i will go and get a new one, so drove down, and waited for ages....finally my turn woooohoooo, i waited in the office chatting and maybe slightly flirting with the guys ...and guess what....they gave me the tyre free...woooohoooo!! hurrah for big tits and a cheeky smile :)
Calories 180
Kisses 0
Free tyres 1
xx
MOTHERS DAYI dont know what to say about today, no comedy slants today i am afraid, for me mothers day is one of the hardest days of the year!I lost my mum a couple of years ago, and she was my best friend, my rock, my support, and i miss her so much i could cry just thinking of her. People who say it gets easier with time....hmmmm i am not so sure, it is still is a physical pain for me, i feel robbed and cheated, she was only 65 and had only just retired! She brought 6 children up through some terrible adversities but never let us get seperated or go into care, even if it meant that she worked 3 jobs, and didnt eat so we could, she was robbed of an old age, and i was robbed of a mum. I miss just calling her, popping over for a brew and a gossip, going to her with anything that is bothering me, and taking her advice and feeling loved and secure.I miss her cuddles.I miss her smell.I miss her love.I miss her smile.I miss her laugh.Dont miss her gravy though, or her nagging me to eat!!!....sorry mum!!She had a fantastic sense of humour, and showed me how to love unconditionally and a sense of fairness and decency, but also when to draw the line. I owe everything i am to her.She never judged me...even when i made huge fook ups, of which i am renowned for lol!! no matter what pranks i had been up to she would say " i may not like you right now...but i will always love you" and this i never doubted for a second. She would make sure that we all had some one on one time with her a day, which must have been hard as i am sure she was shattered.She went without to fund my education.I would trade every penny i have to spend 10 minutes with her again. Basically i find today sad and distressing.Mum i love you with every fibre in my body, and only hope i can be half the person you were xxxNo food today.....couldnt face anything. Thanks for taking the time to find out a little about my mum xx
**********DAY 20 *****************
Well it was a bit of strange weekend, and dont want to share most of it....so i will edit it as appropriate lol!! sorry but some things a girl just needs to keep to herself.Friday night i started getting hassle of my crazy ex, and that kinda kept me up most of the night, but it is sorted now, and all is groovy again. Then i bumped into the man mountain that is that fat bird he thinks he chucked one up at the quiz night, well actually she bumped into me as she was leaving Greggs the bakers with a 2 bags of pies!! she said she "thought i had been cruel on thursday", i just looked at her, and replied "oh really why is that" and she said "because you and your friends were looking and laughing at me"...so i opened my handbag...took out my diary thumbed through it...while she looked on...and looked up at her( she is at least 5ft 11 ffs)...and replied..."well as far as i can see it still isnt a federal offence to rip the piss out of vile skip rats who sleep with my boyfriend, but when it is ...you be sure to come see me ok"....and walked off!!! Harsh i know, but i have cried a river over that girl..and she was brave to confront me...silly mare!!!So i go to meet a friend for lunch and discuss shopping and shoes mainly, and kill some time by going to ikea and buying a collander and a mat!! hmmmm retail therapy at its best lol!!!I go out on friday night and meet up with about 15 friends, and we have a good time, then i find out crazy ex has announced he is Bisexual in his drunken stupour on friday!! NICE huh!! for anyone who has answered my quiz on my profile,,,the one about how many men have left me for other men....has just gone up 1 ffs...must be me!! Got home, and went to bed!!
calories not sure but def not as many as fat chick!! prob about 600
Kisses 0
One ups on fat chick 1
xx
********************** DAY 19 ***********************
Back to normal today :)Breakfast was a plum ...then on with some work, today is payday, so sat most of the morning sorting bills out grrrrrr !!Lunch was a soup today and tasty it was too!!i left work at 3.30...naughty i know, and was walking to car when the wind whipped me off my feet and i fell in a snotty heap....MORTIFIED!!Was driving home and thought hmmm i need milk, so went and got some, walking back to car...and i have a flat tyre ffs...funny i thought the car wasnt driving right lol...i am such a girl hee hee!! so i thought i would change it ...but then thought feck it, i will go and get a new one, so drove down, and waited for ages....finally my turn woooohoooo, i waited in the office chatting and maybe slightly flirting with the guys ...and guess what....they gave me the tyre free...woooohoooo!! hurrah for big tits and a cheeky smile :)
Calories 180
Kisses 0
Free tyres 1
xx
Misery Diets Contd
************Day 18 ***************
Ok i am writting this a day late as had a busy busy day, so busy infact....i didnt eat at all!! woooohooo, just going to be a short tale as got to do todays too!!Work was ok, lots of people off , quiet, then off to a charity do for a friends mum. Quiz night,,,,,,ok so first round is history....which isnt my strong point....but 7 out of 10 aint bad woooohoooom, then science.....arse!! again 7 out of 10 woooooohoooo, but i did tell them that carbon was the right element, as tunston had a lower boiling temp/melting point...cant remember the exact question....but would they listen ffs!!! ohh well, we were well ahead to start with...but then i caught a glimpse of a huge fat girl!! no it isnt large lycra girl....it is a big fat ugly hefer that my ex went home with and thinks he chucked one up, when he was drunk!!! and yes he was still with me, the sh1tbag!! no i am not being cruel just truthful, this girl is at least 30 stone!!! with a face like a bag of fire damaged lego!!! Now what ex doesnt know is he naver actually shagged her, cos he wouldnt get undressed cos her house was covered in dog sh1t, so you get the picture....she isnt toooo classy!! quite a contrast from my Janet raeger sheets and remarkably smaller carcass!! needless to say i was devastated when i found out, we had been together 3 years, and i had been told that day i had cancer....so i felt slightly let down.....and i know he didnt actually do it, but he thinks he did, and the fact he went back with a skip rat like that shows how little he thought of me!!! So needless to say my mind wasnt on the quiz after that grrrrr !!Got home with a bad head ache and went to bed :)
Calories 0
Kisses 0
Munters spotted 1
Jokes cracked about munter 1653
xx
***********DAY 17 ******************
Well a different type of tale today, but normal broadcast will continue tomorrow.Today was a stressful day from the offset, as i was finding out if i got my own job or not!!So today is first NONE DIET DAY!!SOoooo taking full advantage of the lack of salad and nasty yogurt drinks....i started off my fat arse wednesday by drowning my potential sorrows in a costa latte and a Mcsausage and egg muffin Mcness!! tasted pretty pants so binned half of it lol!! and off i went to work to await 10.30 and see if i got a job or not!! but by 9am i was in the toilet chucking up my breakfast...not through nerves, as i dont suffer from them as a rule, but from too much fat in my stomache i think!! so after my Mcvomitting i felt much better :)I wasnt bothered about the job situation, as i dont believe in stressing about the things you can not change, and my ethos to life is....well no one died and no one got cancer....so nothing is that bad!! The letters arrived at 11am...in typical civil servant style...nothing is on time...but i was down having a fag at the time, so i came back to my section to the scene of devastation that was the 2 other girls who had opened the letters and not got a job!! ffs.....so i opened mine...and yadda yadda happy to offer you a permenant job blah blah !! so i did it, i blagged it, i got a proper job lol!! Now we had to take some mental online tests to get these jobs, and i feel bad, as i just ticked boxes randomly and didnt read the questions....luck of the blarney stone or what!!!!So i had to sit for the rest of the day with people crying and being major league upset, as hardly anyone got their own jobs!!!So i was glad when 3.30 came round and i could leave, i felt bad all day, having to watch my friends and people who are very capable of doing their jobs. Madness!!So i didnt go to the gym, but did jump on a sun bed again...and now i am home...and i have be bought so have a new owner!
Calories - who cares
Kisses - a few but mainly from friends cos i got my job
Jobs secured - 1
xx
**************** DAY 16 *****************
Didnt wake up early, as didnt go to bed!!...mainly because i fell asleep early last night then woke up about midnight, and couldnt get back to sleep ffs!!!!So i did make my free parking space wooohooo, another 4 quid for moi!!I walked a different route today to work, for 2 reasons...i am still wondering where my lycra leggings are!! and i am sure some one is sporting them somewhere, and because i have to walk under 2 subways to get to work the normal way...and it has been so windy it turns them into wind tunnels, and i didnt fancy being blown over!!But no leggings and no arse over tit due to wind...so not bad in the big scheme of things!!!So breakfast was a yogurt again, but i ran out of cherry flavour, so had to go for fruits of the forest...now i live near forests...and not seen have of the fruits in that tub in a forest yet!!Lets just say every spoonful made me shudder!!!Not much happened at work...but tomorrow will be judgement day...as 148 of us find out if we have been given a permenant job or not, so we all had to apply for our OWN jobs!! but there is only about 60 jobs up for grabs!!! hmmmmm now i am no booky but i reckon i stand about a snowballs chance in hell!! Anyone want to offer me a job, i have a huge variety of skills, office, retail, poledancer, interpreter, genral dogs body, sex slave...anything really lol!!.I didnt bother packing lunch....so had a bacon and lentil soup and it was lovely,wooohooo!!I could hardly keep my eyes open by 12.30 so thought i would have coffee! now this is a bad move for me, as i hardly ever drink it, so it sends me a bit frisky...so after my second cup i was ready to take on the world lol....after a few minutes, i started to have heart palputations!!and a desire to do the wall of death around the office on my wheelie chair!!, so i decided i better leave work, so left at 3...hmmm thats 30 mins on to my flexi!!oh well i can sort it out tomorrow...hmmmm, i am 12 hours 3 minutes in debt, so need to do something!!I was on my way to the gym, but passed the sun bed place so opted for a sunbed instead lol....hmmmm not in the right frame of for the gym hee hee.Got home and had a bacon buttie!!hmmmmm i am gonna have to do a bit more effort tomorrow lol!!xx
******************** DAY 15 **************************
Wake up at 6.45, forgot to make lunch last night due to many hassles from crazy ex! So i throw some lettuce and tomatoes into a box, and grab 2 ryvitas and a yogurt out of the cupboard.Make it to my free parking space, and head up to work :)....ahhh its good to be back ..NOT.I have my yougurt at about 9am, as i am still not feeling that hungry...and then get down to work.Lunchtime is dire, i clearly havent brought enough food, hmmm more speed last haste i guess!! So i eat my rabbit food and head off to the gym!!!Hmmm seems someone has missed me at the gym....tall gorgeous guy says "long time no see"...and has a geordie accent ( i think to myself BONUS)!!! i have a bit of a pet thing about the geordie accent, now lets hope he wears glasses too...again another one of my things...men in glasses...when i become ruler of the world, it will be the first law i pass, ALL men must wear glasses!! even if they dont need them.lol!!Large lycra girl isnt there, hmmm maybe she has reached her targer weight....25 stone lol...oooh what a cow i am ...tut.Now then SSW is there, and she runs up to me, ohhh where have you been, i explain, and she replies, "i have missed you"....hmmmm odd, not even my mum would have missed me after a week of not seeing me, she suggest that we swap mobile numbers incase i am AWOL again...i reply "ermmm yeah sure but i dont know mine, and i havent got my phone on me" ....praying to god that no one calls or texts me!! or i am busted!!!!I do my routine, and she follows me into changing room, chatting about i am looking great, and my figure is getting nicely toned!! hmmmm for you guys out there that said she wants in my pants, i am now thinking you may have a point, she comments on my bum, being lovely and pert TWICE ...WTF!!....now she might just be a nice kinda person, but you lot have made me paranoid. I get changed, and leave the cubucicle, and she is there, will her number on a piece of paper!! hmmm i take it and lie and say i have no credit! Now what am i gonna do!!! Back to work until 3.30, then i decide i am off for a sunbed, as i am looking whiter than white, well for me anyway!! My usual salon is closed, so i go to a diff one, and their beds are like a tardis, they talk to you and spray you with "stuff" hmmm i will be back i think.Then home and a quick shower, a weight watchers chicken curry, which by the way wasnt too bad, and then on the scales.I have lost another 4lbs this week, not as good as last week, but i hadnt been to the gym at all, with being ill!! so well done me.I go out to meet my friends, who have all met for dinner, hmmm theres looks devine, as i sit sipping a water *sigh*, we gossip, and rip the micky out of some poor unfortunate bloke who keeps looking over at us!! Lou pipes up that i must be "that" desperate by now.....cheeky mare!! tut and tut again. I nip to the loo, return and my friends are laughing...hmmm at me?....we leave, and low and behold i am told that my mobile number has been written on a napkin and handed to bloke!! ffs!!! after a good hour wind up, they tell me the truth, they gave out their exes number to him ....oops lol,now i can see the funny side lol.Tried to find the icerink number today, but no joy, i will take a drive up at the weekend i think!!!
Calories 780
Phone number incidents 2
Kisses 0
Time on scales 1
Weight loss 4 lbs
xx
******************** DAY 14 *********************
Well it is sunday, and i am still not feeling in top form, but at last finally feel like i am on the mend thank goodness.Got woken up by a call from big gay Dave, asking what time we were going to tesco, now...for those girls out there who dont have a gay best friend...GET ONE!!They have all the advantage of a boyfriend, BUT...they love shopping, treat you like a princess, will carry heavy things, and they never want into your pants....well apart from a scissor sisters concert....hmmm ...cups hands and shouts...DAVE CAN I PLEASE HAVE MY LEATHER HOT PANTS BACK ....ewwwww!! lol.So went shopping with my tesco club card vouchers £36 worth....cool.....and to top the morning off, my activia yogs are on half price....RESULT....see if i had gone to church i would have missed all this lol!!I still have no appetite at all. So havent actually eaten yet today, maybe later! Havent done anything else today, but i have been on the scales, and i appear to have gained 1lb !! ermmm HOW!!! god dammit, i have still lost for the week, but cant reveal how much until tomoz!! hee hee.
Calories 0
Kisses 0
Choc Fantasies 0Hmmmm i feel like Croatia in the eurovision song contest with scores like that lol
xx
*********************Day 13**********************
Still ill so not gonna be a long tale tonight, i have 2 days until my official weigh in, but as i am totally obsessed with getting on the scales, i already know i have done well again this week, well ....well considering i have had a failing kidney, and not been able to get to the gym, or infact leave the house!!! so roll on monday, when i actually announce the loss!! i am surprised i have lost anything to be honest, as only been able to go on my lateral thigh trainer a couple of times and only for 500 reps each time, just in too much pain :(So today i have been in the house all day, i was meant to go out tonight, but got out the shower, and just felt dreadful, so cancelled and stayed in :)....see i am sensible some times!!!i havent really eaten today, i seem to have lost my appetite to be honest!! so just a yogurt, and some soup...hmmm really not enough i know!!Going to tesco tomorrow so will buy lots of lovely stuff that will get me interested lol!!
Calories 138
kisses 0
times on scales 32!!
******************* DAY 12********************
I didnt get much sleep last night, and for all the wrong reasons...no hot streamy session, just a really sore kidney!! grrrrr.So i didnt get up until 10am, obviously no work today after what happened yesterday!So i had a yogurt....slimey yet satisfying (from the lion king btw).Then went back to bed!! But by Jeremy Kyle time i was feeling alot better, ahhh the delights of a stay at home woman!! that show is addictive, almost as much as ryvita in my opinion.!!So i watched in horror, as people sat there and lied to their "loved ones" only to be public humiliated when the lie detector results came back!! now surely...even if you do have the worlds worst hair cut and not a full compliment of teeth, you have enough sense to sit there and lie, knowing you have done a test ffs, is just plain stupid!! hmm clearly not i guess.Did make me feel better about my own life though, at least i just found out about my dirty cheating weasle of an ex the traditional way!! At smokers corner at work!!! hmmm actually that was pretty humiliating too, ahhh happy days lol!!So i decide as i am looking after my god son tonight i will prepare dinner and take it with me, as i dont really have an appetite at the moment, so i boil rice, which turned into a stodge, so read the packet, scrubbed pan and tried again!! Result, chopped up somne veg and popped it all in a platic box, the lid wasnt the best fitting but it is only a 10 minute drive so all would be fine.Traffic was hellish, so i turned up the cd player and waved at the kids that pointed at my flowery car hee hee!!Sitting in slow moving traffic and WHAMMMMMMMMM some numbpty in a penis extension for a car has driven into the back off me!! ffs. But worse than that, my box of rice has flown of the passenger seat and is now all over the passenger side, and windscreen, after a small altercation, and telling him too fook off, when he wanted to know if i fancied a drink, i got his insurance details, and went on my way.Made it in time and checked car properly, no damage that i can see so i assume all is well. but my god that rice in the car stinks!!! hmmmmm!So no dinner today ffs, thanks to Aryton Senna and his lapse of concentration, so today all i have had is a yougurt ffs!!Oh well it will make up for not going to the gym :)
So calories 71
Times on scales 34 <--- i was feeling better
Kisses 0
Banged from behind 1
****************** Day 11 ********************
Ok back to work today. So up nice and early, remembered to brush hair, and spray choc lynx....left the house, half way to work and forgot to take anti biotic...turned around ...back home took tablet and back on the road again!!....made my free parking space ..OHHHH YEAH!!I had a yougurt for breakfast, half hoping that the friendly bacteria will sort out my kidney...well i dont know how these things work...hmmm wonder if my anti biotics will have some strange reaction with them, and i could explode....like the marshmallow man on ghost busters lol....hmmm maybe i need another type of medication!!All is going well at work and i got caught up with all the emails and stuff to do went for some training, but god my back is hurting cos of this kidney malarky, hurts if i stand...hurts if i sit!! dont know if i need a shit or a haircut by 10.30!!! so lets just say, i took a turn for the worse and was sent home!!Now due to feeling rather faint and unsteady, i decide to put my ham salad between 2 slices of bread and have a sandwich for lunch! probably need carbs!! so there is a few hundred calories i could have done without, but probably for the best!! Followed by a bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes, for the sugar...yummy!!After that i just crashed on the sofa all day, feeling sorry for myself lol!!! but feeling more chipper now, but worried that it has been 5 days since the gym...but have deicded to leave that until next week....wonder what SSW has been up to lol!!. Also secretly hoping that large lycra woman, has been advised that lycra is not a good look for her...i mean skin tight is ok on namomi campbell, but skin tight on jo brand with huge knickers underneath ewwwww, i mean visual panty line honey lol....wear a thong for heavens sake!! i believe evans do them right up to a size "hampshire" so surely she can afford 4 quid for them!!So all in all not the best day.
Calories - roughly 700
fainting episodes - 1
Time on scales – 4
Ok i am writting this a day late as had a busy busy day, so busy infact....i didnt eat at all!! woooohooo, just going to be a short tale as got to do todays too!!Work was ok, lots of people off , quiet, then off to a charity do for a friends mum. Quiz night,,,,,,ok so first round is history....which isnt my strong point....but 7 out of 10 aint bad woooohoooom, then science.....arse!! again 7 out of 10 woooooohoooo, but i did tell them that carbon was the right element, as tunston had a lower boiling temp/melting point...cant remember the exact question....but would they listen ffs!!! ohh well, we were well ahead to start with...but then i caught a glimpse of a huge fat girl!! no it isnt large lycra girl....it is a big fat ugly hefer that my ex went home with and thinks he chucked one up, when he was drunk!!! and yes he was still with me, the sh1tbag!! no i am not being cruel just truthful, this girl is at least 30 stone!!! with a face like a bag of fire damaged lego!!! Now what ex doesnt know is he naver actually shagged her, cos he wouldnt get undressed cos her house was covered in dog sh1t, so you get the picture....she isnt toooo classy!! quite a contrast from my Janet raeger sheets and remarkably smaller carcass!! needless to say i was devastated when i found out, we had been together 3 years, and i had been told that day i had cancer....so i felt slightly let down.....and i know he didnt actually do it, but he thinks he did, and the fact he went back with a skip rat like that shows how little he thought of me!!! So needless to say my mind wasnt on the quiz after that grrrrr !!Got home with a bad head ache and went to bed :)
Calories 0
Kisses 0
Munters spotted 1
Jokes cracked about munter 1653
xx
***********DAY 17 ******************
Well a different type of tale today, but normal broadcast will continue tomorrow.Today was a stressful day from the offset, as i was finding out if i got my own job or not!!So today is first NONE DIET DAY!!SOoooo taking full advantage of the lack of salad and nasty yogurt drinks....i started off my fat arse wednesday by drowning my potential sorrows in a costa latte and a Mcsausage and egg muffin Mcness!! tasted pretty pants so binned half of it lol!! and off i went to work to await 10.30 and see if i got a job or not!! but by 9am i was in the toilet chucking up my breakfast...not through nerves, as i dont suffer from them as a rule, but from too much fat in my stomache i think!! so after my Mcvomitting i felt much better :)I wasnt bothered about the job situation, as i dont believe in stressing about the things you can not change, and my ethos to life is....well no one died and no one got cancer....so nothing is that bad!! The letters arrived at 11am...in typical civil servant style...nothing is on time...but i was down having a fag at the time, so i came back to my section to the scene of devastation that was the 2 other girls who had opened the letters and not got a job!! ffs.....so i opened mine...and yadda yadda happy to offer you a permenant job blah blah !! so i did it, i blagged it, i got a proper job lol!! Now we had to take some mental online tests to get these jobs, and i feel bad, as i just ticked boxes randomly and didnt read the questions....luck of the blarney stone or what!!!!So i had to sit for the rest of the day with people crying and being major league upset, as hardly anyone got their own jobs!!!So i was glad when 3.30 came round and i could leave, i felt bad all day, having to watch my friends and people who are very capable of doing their jobs. Madness!!So i didnt go to the gym, but did jump on a sun bed again...and now i am home...and i have be bought so have a new owner!
Calories - who cares
Kisses - a few but mainly from friends cos i got my job
Jobs secured - 1
xx
**************** DAY 16 *****************
Didnt wake up early, as didnt go to bed!!...mainly because i fell asleep early last night then woke up about midnight, and couldnt get back to sleep ffs!!!!So i did make my free parking space wooohooo, another 4 quid for moi!!I walked a different route today to work, for 2 reasons...i am still wondering where my lycra leggings are!! and i am sure some one is sporting them somewhere, and because i have to walk under 2 subways to get to work the normal way...and it has been so windy it turns them into wind tunnels, and i didnt fancy being blown over!!But no leggings and no arse over tit due to wind...so not bad in the big scheme of things!!!So breakfast was a yogurt again, but i ran out of cherry flavour, so had to go for fruits of the forest...now i live near forests...and not seen have of the fruits in that tub in a forest yet!!Lets just say every spoonful made me shudder!!!Not much happened at work...but tomorrow will be judgement day...as 148 of us find out if we have been given a permenant job or not, so we all had to apply for our OWN jobs!! but there is only about 60 jobs up for grabs!!! hmmmmm now i am no booky but i reckon i stand about a snowballs chance in hell!! Anyone want to offer me a job, i have a huge variety of skills, office, retail, poledancer, interpreter, genral dogs body, sex slave...anything really lol!!.I didnt bother packing lunch....so had a bacon and lentil soup and it was lovely,wooohooo!!I could hardly keep my eyes open by 12.30 so thought i would have coffee! now this is a bad move for me, as i hardly ever drink it, so it sends me a bit frisky...so after my second cup i was ready to take on the world lol....after a few minutes, i started to have heart palputations!!and a desire to do the wall of death around the office on my wheelie chair!!, so i decided i better leave work, so left at 3...hmmm thats 30 mins on to my flexi!!oh well i can sort it out tomorrow...hmmmm, i am 12 hours 3 minutes in debt, so need to do something!!I was on my way to the gym, but passed the sun bed place so opted for a sunbed instead lol....hmmmm not in the right frame of for the gym hee hee.Got home and had a bacon buttie!!hmmmmm i am gonna have to do a bit more effort tomorrow lol!!xx
******************** DAY 15 **************************
Wake up at 6.45, forgot to make lunch last night due to many hassles from crazy ex! So i throw some lettuce and tomatoes into a box, and grab 2 ryvitas and a yogurt out of the cupboard.Make it to my free parking space, and head up to work :)....ahhh its good to be back ..NOT.I have my yougurt at about 9am, as i am still not feeling that hungry...and then get down to work.Lunchtime is dire, i clearly havent brought enough food, hmmm more speed last haste i guess!! So i eat my rabbit food and head off to the gym!!!Hmmm seems someone has missed me at the gym....tall gorgeous guy says "long time no see"...and has a geordie accent ( i think to myself BONUS)!!! i have a bit of a pet thing about the geordie accent, now lets hope he wears glasses too...again another one of my things...men in glasses...when i become ruler of the world, it will be the first law i pass, ALL men must wear glasses!! even if they dont need them.lol!!Large lycra girl isnt there, hmmm maybe she has reached her targer weight....25 stone lol...oooh what a cow i am ...tut.Now then SSW is there, and she runs up to me, ohhh where have you been, i explain, and she replies, "i have missed you"....hmmmm odd, not even my mum would have missed me after a week of not seeing me, she suggest that we swap mobile numbers incase i am AWOL again...i reply "ermmm yeah sure but i dont know mine, and i havent got my phone on me" ....praying to god that no one calls or texts me!! or i am busted!!!!I do my routine, and she follows me into changing room, chatting about i am looking great, and my figure is getting nicely toned!! hmmmm for you guys out there that said she wants in my pants, i am now thinking you may have a point, she comments on my bum, being lovely and pert TWICE ...WTF!!....now she might just be a nice kinda person, but you lot have made me paranoid. I get changed, and leave the cubucicle, and she is there, will her number on a piece of paper!! hmmm i take it and lie and say i have no credit! Now what am i gonna do!!! Back to work until 3.30, then i decide i am off for a sunbed, as i am looking whiter than white, well for me anyway!! My usual salon is closed, so i go to a diff one, and their beds are like a tardis, they talk to you and spray you with "stuff" hmmm i will be back i think.Then home and a quick shower, a weight watchers chicken curry, which by the way wasnt too bad, and then on the scales.I have lost another 4lbs this week, not as good as last week, but i hadnt been to the gym at all, with being ill!! so well done me.I go out to meet my friends, who have all met for dinner, hmmm theres looks devine, as i sit sipping a water *sigh*, we gossip, and rip the micky out of some poor unfortunate bloke who keeps looking over at us!! Lou pipes up that i must be "that" desperate by now.....cheeky mare!! tut and tut again. I nip to the loo, return and my friends are laughing...hmmm at me?....we leave, and low and behold i am told that my mobile number has been written on a napkin and handed to bloke!! ffs!!! after a good hour wind up, they tell me the truth, they gave out their exes number to him ....oops lol,now i can see the funny side lol.Tried to find the icerink number today, but no joy, i will take a drive up at the weekend i think!!!
Calories 780
Phone number incidents 2
Kisses 0
Time on scales 1
Weight loss 4 lbs
xx
******************** DAY 14 *********************
Well it is sunday, and i am still not feeling in top form, but at last finally feel like i am on the mend thank goodness.Got woken up by a call from big gay Dave, asking what time we were going to tesco, now...for those girls out there who dont have a gay best friend...GET ONE!!They have all the advantage of a boyfriend, BUT...they love shopping, treat you like a princess, will carry heavy things, and they never want into your pants....well apart from a scissor sisters concert....hmmm ...cups hands and shouts...DAVE CAN I PLEASE HAVE MY LEATHER HOT PANTS BACK ....ewwwww!! lol.So went shopping with my tesco club card vouchers £36 worth....cool.....and to top the morning off, my activia yogs are on half price....RESULT....see if i had gone to church i would have missed all this lol!!I still have no appetite at all. So havent actually eaten yet today, maybe later! Havent done anything else today, but i have been on the scales, and i appear to have gained 1lb !! ermmm HOW!!! god dammit, i have still lost for the week, but cant reveal how much until tomoz!! hee hee.
Calories 0
Kisses 0
Choc Fantasies 0Hmmmm i feel like Croatia in the eurovision song contest with scores like that lol
xx
*********************Day 13**********************
Still ill so not gonna be a long tale tonight, i have 2 days until my official weigh in, but as i am totally obsessed with getting on the scales, i already know i have done well again this week, well ....well considering i have had a failing kidney, and not been able to get to the gym, or infact leave the house!!! so roll on monday, when i actually announce the loss!! i am surprised i have lost anything to be honest, as only been able to go on my lateral thigh trainer a couple of times and only for 500 reps each time, just in too much pain :(So today i have been in the house all day, i was meant to go out tonight, but got out the shower, and just felt dreadful, so cancelled and stayed in :)....see i am sensible some times!!!i havent really eaten today, i seem to have lost my appetite to be honest!! so just a yogurt, and some soup...hmmm really not enough i know!!Going to tesco tomorrow so will buy lots of lovely stuff that will get me interested lol!!
Calories 138
kisses 0
times on scales 32!!
******************* DAY 12********************
I didnt get much sleep last night, and for all the wrong reasons...no hot streamy session, just a really sore kidney!! grrrrr.So i didnt get up until 10am, obviously no work today after what happened yesterday!So i had a yogurt....slimey yet satisfying (from the lion king btw).Then went back to bed!! But by Jeremy Kyle time i was feeling alot better, ahhh the delights of a stay at home woman!! that show is addictive, almost as much as ryvita in my opinion.!!So i watched in horror, as people sat there and lied to their "loved ones" only to be public humiliated when the lie detector results came back!! now surely...even if you do have the worlds worst hair cut and not a full compliment of teeth, you have enough sense to sit there and lie, knowing you have done a test ffs, is just plain stupid!! hmm clearly not i guess.Did make me feel better about my own life though, at least i just found out about my dirty cheating weasle of an ex the traditional way!! At smokers corner at work!!! hmmm actually that was pretty humiliating too, ahhh happy days lol!!So i decide as i am looking after my god son tonight i will prepare dinner and take it with me, as i dont really have an appetite at the moment, so i boil rice, which turned into a stodge, so read the packet, scrubbed pan and tried again!! Result, chopped up somne veg and popped it all in a platic box, the lid wasnt the best fitting but it is only a 10 minute drive so all would be fine.Traffic was hellish, so i turned up the cd player and waved at the kids that pointed at my flowery car hee hee!!Sitting in slow moving traffic and WHAMMMMMMMMM some numbpty in a penis extension for a car has driven into the back off me!! ffs. But worse than that, my box of rice has flown of the passenger seat and is now all over the passenger side, and windscreen, after a small altercation, and telling him too fook off, when he wanted to know if i fancied a drink, i got his insurance details, and went on my way.Made it in time and checked car properly, no damage that i can see so i assume all is well. but my god that rice in the car stinks!!! hmmmmm!So no dinner today ffs, thanks to Aryton Senna and his lapse of concentration, so today all i have had is a yougurt ffs!!Oh well it will make up for not going to the gym :)
So calories 71
Times on scales 34 <--- i was feeling better
Kisses 0
Banged from behind 1
****************** Day 11 ********************
Ok back to work today. So up nice and early, remembered to brush hair, and spray choc lynx....left the house, half way to work and forgot to take anti biotic...turned around ...back home took tablet and back on the road again!!....made my free parking space ..OHHHH YEAH!!I had a yougurt for breakfast, half hoping that the friendly bacteria will sort out my kidney...well i dont know how these things work...hmmm wonder if my anti biotics will have some strange reaction with them, and i could explode....like the marshmallow man on ghost busters lol....hmmm maybe i need another type of medication!!All is going well at work and i got caught up with all the emails and stuff to do went for some training, but god my back is hurting cos of this kidney malarky, hurts if i stand...hurts if i sit!! dont know if i need a shit or a haircut by 10.30!!! so lets just say, i took a turn for the worse and was sent home!!Now due to feeling rather faint and unsteady, i decide to put my ham salad between 2 slices of bread and have a sandwich for lunch! probably need carbs!! so there is a few hundred calories i could have done without, but probably for the best!! Followed by a bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes, for the sugar...yummy!!After that i just crashed on the sofa all day, feeling sorry for myself lol!!! but feeling more chipper now, but worried that it has been 5 days since the gym...but have deicded to leave that until next week....wonder what SSW has been up to lol!!. Also secretly hoping that large lycra woman, has been advised that lycra is not a good look for her...i mean skin tight is ok on namomi campbell, but skin tight on jo brand with huge knickers underneath ewwwww, i mean visual panty line honey lol....wear a thong for heavens sake!! i believe evans do them right up to a size "hampshire" so surely she can afford 4 quid for them!!So all in all not the best day.
Calories - roughly 700
fainting episodes - 1
Time on scales – 4
Misery Diets Contd
********************* Day 10 **********************
Nothing to report today, other than my kidney is killing me, so not at work, been to the docs, and on anti biotics.....which have killed my comedy lol!! X
********************* Day 9 *********************
Ok no work again today, still felt a bit ropey! So just stayed at home, and now i am feeling fighting fit again!I had a yougurt for breakfast, it was hard to eat, as i really didnt fancy anything....but those good bacteria must have been out in force, cos it stayed down ...RESULT !!
I have chilled all day, so no calories burned for sure, which means i am going to have to work twice as hard for the rest of the week!! Grrrrr! But i am looking forward to getting back to the gym, but i have been using my Lateral thigh trainer at home, so not too bad!!
SOoooo i get to lunch time, still not hungry but have 2 ryvita with some cottage cheese, i still dont get this cottage cheese malarky ...but only 40 calories, so it will be eaten lol!!
Then through boredom i decide to pluck my eye brows, as they have been neglected of late, so i spin the mirror to the magnify side ...and.......OH MY GOD......HORROR upon HORROR!!!!!............i have a bloody moustache!!! i mean the full monty here...infact i have the full set..WTF!!! how did this happen!! i know i am getting older but ffs!!! so i forget about my monobrow.....and start plucking my moustache....jeeezuzzzzzz how come my friends never told me i resembled Salvador Dali??? Next time they ask me if they look good in their outfit...i am gonna say "oh yeah you look hot" even if they look like coco the clown....revenge is sweet.So after half an hour or quite painful plucking i feel more like a woman than a sasquatch!!hmmm no wonder i am single lol!! ok so also book myself into the salon to get some electrolsis done on my sideburns, lol!! Whilst looking closely in the magnifying mirror, which must be about 300x magnification i may add, as i am sure i saw the hubble spaceship in it.....i notice that my skin is terrible too!!!..so i go back down and call salon, again, and get booked in for a facial too!!, then back up to tackle my eyebrows...flippin heck....i know...back down and call salon again...wax please!! i am sure i heard the receptionist mutter something about a restraining order, but maybe i was mistaken!!
so tomorrow i will be plucked and zapped to death by them...oh joy lol!!.So after much deep thought i decide magnifying mirror are the devils work, and throw mine out! So that has been my day, but i am back to work and gym tomorrow so will have more to report then!
Calories 380
Times on scales 43
Mirrors chucked 1
Choc fantasies 2 <----this is good surely
Kisses 0
********************************Weigh in*******************************
Weight lost in first week.......................... 6lbs wooohooo, that is nearly half as stone...fingers crossed i manage the same amount next week
**************DAY 8***************
Well i have been sick three times during the night, so i havent been to work today, but ever the optomist i got up at 6.45 so i could make it to the free parking space, realised Burt (my little car) was frozen solid, so nipped out to start him up to defrost him, just in my pink fluffy bathrobe and play boy slippers. Just to be met by my neighbour coming out to start his van up.....how embarrassing, so i said hello, as if i was fully dressed, called on the cat to pretend that is why i was outside half naked and ran back in house!!Then was sick again, at this point i made the executive decision not to go to work, as puking at the desk is not very fetching at all!!So i called in explained to my boss, who was fine about it, thank god, and crawled back to bed, woke up at 2 wooohooo and feel alot better, but not eaten anything, for fear of it doing an encoure!Maybe later i will try a ryvita, if anything is going to stay down it is going to be a ryvita.lol.So no gym today, kinda missing it, but not missing scary staring woman at all. Plus i didnt go out at the weekend so she might be slightly annoyed as for some reason that we didnt "bump into each other" lol.
Calories 0
Choc fantasies 0 but just though fear of being sick
vomitting 3
Speak tomorrow when hopefully i will be feeling better!! Xx
****************DAY 7 *********************
Not alot to write today, i got woken up at 1pm by big gay dave calling or see what i was up to...ermmmm that would be sleeping ffs!!!So he pops over for a coffee and we go to asda to cash in my penny jar....which by the way has 23.72 in it lol..................so i buy some fruit and veg for next week, sigh!!I have only had an actimel all day, so just 71 calories lol...but i am planning of getting some pasta when i finish writting this.I must admit i am pretty tired all the time since i started this diet...but hopefully it wont be too long before i can start eating normally again.No Gym today....but i did go on my lateral thigh trainer which i bought of a girl from work....400 steps later and about 22 cals burnt off....ffs that seems more effort than it is worth, but i will have a butt of a godess at this rate lol!!Well folks i am off for food, hmm salad again woohoooo!!! hope you all had a great weekend, and i will conitinue my diet diary miseries tomorrow xx
*********************Day 6 ********************
Hurrah, i didnt have to get up to early today, as i dont work weekends :)However, i had been on a bit of a mad mission last night and driven down to manchester to see friend, and ended up not getting back home until about 1.30 then not being able to sleep, so i only had about 5 hours kip.But still slept in so no Breakfast.I promised to take my best friends dad to the bingo today, there are way to many funny stories attatched to this outing that i cant even begin, but lets say i was the youngest there by far, and left no better of when i went in...i am not really a lucky person :(But one thing i did learn today is that old people pretend to have a bad memory, and be feckless, it must be a passage of rights when you hit 70 or something, cos these lot were viscious, i took a seat, only to get a load of tutting as i had inadvertantly sat in Mables seat!! i thought it was going to be colostomy bags at dawn!! so i found an unmarked table phewww. also....dont they call those numbers fast!!...god i missed half of them...however those old dears didint ...like steven hawkins on speed i swear. i thought i was sitting next to the rainman at one point, as he seemed to be able to predict the next number!! forget Derren Brown...get yourself to the Gala bingo lol!!So i get home at 2 starving, at one point the Bingo caller asked to keep the muttering down...i didnt like to say it was my tummy! Lunch is 2 Ryvita and some cottage cheese, if which i am not too fond. Then i grab a sneaky hours kip on the sofa...ahhh heaven, then back up and off to the gym, just for half an hour, and no handsome guy today, or large lycra girl.....but SSW is there....i think she must live there! i am not sure but i have never been when she hasnt been in there.She remarks on how nice my bum is....hmmm odd, so i blush and say thanks....and get on with the routine as usual.....i get of the lateral thigh trainer, walkig like C3P0 as i have clearly over done it with only an intake of 100 calories so far today, i feel my legs shaking like a shitting dog, so think i better sit down, i wobble my way to the changing rooms and sit on the big lattice bench in the middle ....phewwwww.SSW follows me and asks if i am ok, fine i reply, watching my untoned thighs vibrating lol, next thing i know, SSW has put her arm on my shoulder and is hugging me in, a bit to close to her baps for my liking too!! i tell her honestly i am fine and run for the cubicle..she is a strange one her! maybe just over friendly, she chouts every couple of mins to ask if i am ok, i reply pleasantlly but feel slightly odd about opening the door when i am dressed, incase today she is totally starkers!! Luckily she isnt, and i head home, tired :(
I arrive home and have a banana and a yougurt...ahhh thats better.Now i am babysitting tonight for my friend and her husband who have gone out for a Valentines meal and drinks, being the only sad singleton amonst her friends i am the natural choice, but i wont lie to you, i adore babysitting her son, my god son, he is 22 months old, and a real comic, he is just learing to talk, so i first of all teach him some comedy sayings to bless his parents with tomorrow morning, then we play with every toy in the house....TWICE!! Then bath time....so i am sitting here soaked from all the riotous splashing and capers, however he goes to bed at 8 :(I tried to keep him up longer, but he was begging for bed, so i gave in and put him down, and now i am on my friends computer writting this! So all in all a good day today, even though i know all my other friends are out partying around town, and informing me that the tasty guy from Costas is out and is asking where i am, and has noticed i havent been in all week.....i might venture in for a skinny latte next week, but then i will have to work it off and i think the gym twice a day is enough for this fat chick at moment!oooh and i found my clear bra strap for those of you that were in the slightest interested, the cat had decided that it was her new toy...so it is now mawld some what....so i reckon a new set is in order huh!?!i wil lnever know ho wshe managed to get it under the fridge freezer though....takes me and Jeff capes to move that thing!!
Calories 350
Time legs shaked for - 17 minutes
number of good bacteria 0
Number of unwanted hugs 1
kisses 0
Choc fantasies 180
Times on scales 43 <---- this might be becoming an obsession?!?WEIGHT LOST 4 lbs.......wooohooo !! (thats 2 bags of sugar) Days to actual weigh day 1
Nothing to report today, other than my kidney is killing me, so not at work, been to the docs, and on anti biotics.....which have killed my comedy lol!! X
********************* Day 9 *********************
Ok no work again today, still felt a bit ropey! So just stayed at home, and now i am feeling fighting fit again!I had a yougurt for breakfast, it was hard to eat, as i really didnt fancy anything....but those good bacteria must have been out in force, cos it stayed down ...RESULT !!
I have chilled all day, so no calories burned for sure, which means i am going to have to work twice as hard for the rest of the week!! Grrrrr! But i am looking forward to getting back to the gym, but i have been using my Lateral thigh trainer at home, so not too bad!!
SOoooo i get to lunch time, still not hungry but have 2 ryvita with some cottage cheese, i still dont get this cottage cheese malarky ...but only 40 calories, so it will be eaten lol!!
Then through boredom i decide to pluck my eye brows, as they have been neglected of late, so i spin the mirror to the magnify side ...and.......OH MY GOD......HORROR upon HORROR!!!!!............i have a bloody moustache!!! i mean the full monty here...infact i have the full set..WTF!!! how did this happen!! i know i am getting older but ffs!!! so i forget about my monobrow.....and start plucking my moustache....jeeezuzzzzzz how come my friends never told me i resembled Salvador Dali??? Next time they ask me if they look good in their outfit...i am gonna say "oh yeah you look hot" even if they look like coco the clown....revenge is sweet.So after half an hour or quite painful plucking i feel more like a woman than a sasquatch!!hmmm no wonder i am single lol!! ok so also book myself into the salon to get some electrolsis done on my sideburns, lol!! Whilst looking closely in the magnifying mirror, which must be about 300x magnification i may add, as i am sure i saw the hubble spaceship in it.....i notice that my skin is terrible too!!!..so i go back down and call salon, again, and get booked in for a facial too!!, then back up to tackle my eyebrows...flippin heck....i know...back down and call salon again...wax please!! i am sure i heard the receptionist mutter something about a restraining order, but maybe i was mistaken!!
so tomorrow i will be plucked and zapped to death by them...oh joy lol!!.So after much deep thought i decide magnifying mirror are the devils work, and throw mine out! So that has been my day, but i am back to work and gym tomorrow so will have more to report then!
Calories 380
Times on scales 43
Mirrors chucked 1
Choc fantasies 2 <----this is good surely
Kisses 0
********************************Weigh in*******************************
Weight lost in first week.......................... 6lbs wooohooo, that is nearly half as stone...fingers crossed i manage the same amount next week
**************DAY 8***************
Well i have been sick three times during the night, so i havent been to work today, but ever the optomist i got up at 6.45 so i could make it to the free parking space, realised Burt (my little car) was frozen solid, so nipped out to start him up to defrost him, just in my pink fluffy bathrobe and play boy slippers. Just to be met by my neighbour coming out to start his van up.....how embarrassing, so i said hello, as if i was fully dressed, called on the cat to pretend that is why i was outside half naked and ran back in house!!Then was sick again, at this point i made the executive decision not to go to work, as puking at the desk is not very fetching at all!!So i called in explained to my boss, who was fine about it, thank god, and crawled back to bed, woke up at 2 wooohooo and feel alot better, but not eaten anything, for fear of it doing an encoure!Maybe later i will try a ryvita, if anything is going to stay down it is going to be a ryvita.lol.So no gym today, kinda missing it, but not missing scary staring woman at all. Plus i didnt go out at the weekend so she might be slightly annoyed as for some reason that we didnt "bump into each other" lol.
Calories 0
Choc fantasies 0 but just though fear of being sick
vomitting 3
Speak tomorrow when hopefully i will be feeling better!! Xx
****************DAY 7 *********************
Not alot to write today, i got woken up at 1pm by big gay dave calling or see what i was up to...ermmmm that would be sleeping ffs!!!So he pops over for a coffee and we go to asda to cash in my penny jar....which by the way has 23.72 in it lol..................so i buy some fruit and veg for next week, sigh!!I have only had an actimel all day, so just 71 calories lol...but i am planning of getting some pasta when i finish writting this.I must admit i am pretty tired all the time since i started this diet...but hopefully it wont be too long before i can start eating normally again.No Gym today....but i did go on my lateral thigh trainer which i bought of a girl from work....400 steps later and about 22 cals burnt off....ffs that seems more effort than it is worth, but i will have a butt of a godess at this rate lol!!Well folks i am off for food, hmm salad again woohoooo!!! hope you all had a great weekend, and i will conitinue my diet diary miseries tomorrow xx
*********************Day 6 ********************
Hurrah, i didnt have to get up to early today, as i dont work weekends :)However, i had been on a bit of a mad mission last night and driven down to manchester to see friend, and ended up not getting back home until about 1.30 then not being able to sleep, so i only had about 5 hours kip.But still slept in so no Breakfast.I promised to take my best friends dad to the bingo today, there are way to many funny stories attatched to this outing that i cant even begin, but lets say i was the youngest there by far, and left no better of when i went in...i am not really a lucky person :(But one thing i did learn today is that old people pretend to have a bad memory, and be feckless, it must be a passage of rights when you hit 70 or something, cos these lot were viscious, i took a seat, only to get a load of tutting as i had inadvertantly sat in Mables seat!! i thought it was going to be colostomy bags at dawn!! so i found an unmarked table phewww. also....dont they call those numbers fast!!...god i missed half of them...however those old dears didint ...like steven hawkins on speed i swear. i thought i was sitting next to the rainman at one point, as he seemed to be able to predict the next number!! forget Derren Brown...get yourself to the Gala bingo lol!!So i get home at 2 starving, at one point the Bingo caller asked to keep the muttering down...i didnt like to say it was my tummy! Lunch is 2 Ryvita and some cottage cheese, if which i am not too fond. Then i grab a sneaky hours kip on the sofa...ahhh heaven, then back up and off to the gym, just for half an hour, and no handsome guy today, or large lycra girl.....but SSW is there....i think she must live there! i am not sure but i have never been when she hasnt been in there.She remarks on how nice my bum is....hmmm odd, so i blush and say thanks....and get on with the routine as usual.....i get of the lateral thigh trainer, walkig like C3P0 as i have clearly over done it with only an intake of 100 calories so far today, i feel my legs shaking like a shitting dog, so think i better sit down, i wobble my way to the changing rooms and sit on the big lattice bench in the middle ....phewwwww.SSW follows me and asks if i am ok, fine i reply, watching my untoned thighs vibrating lol, next thing i know, SSW has put her arm on my shoulder and is hugging me in, a bit to close to her baps for my liking too!! i tell her honestly i am fine and run for the cubicle..she is a strange one her! maybe just over friendly, she chouts every couple of mins to ask if i am ok, i reply pleasantlly but feel slightly odd about opening the door when i am dressed, incase today she is totally starkers!! Luckily she isnt, and i head home, tired :(
I arrive home and have a banana and a yougurt...ahhh thats better.Now i am babysitting tonight for my friend and her husband who have gone out for a Valentines meal and drinks, being the only sad singleton amonst her friends i am the natural choice, but i wont lie to you, i adore babysitting her son, my god son, he is 22 months old, and a real comic, he is just learing to talk, so i first of all teach him some comedy sayings to bless his parents with tomorrow morning, then we play with every toy in the house....TWICE!! Then bath time....so i am sitting here soaked from all the riotous splashing and capers, however he goes to bed at 8 :(I tried to keep him up longer, but he was begging for bed, so i gave in and put him down, and now i am on my friends computer writting this! So all in all a good day today, even though i know all my other friends are out partying around town, and informing me that the tasty guy from Costas is out and is asking where i am, and has noticed i havent been in all week.....i might venture in for a skinny latte next week, but then i will have to work it off and i think the gym twice a day is enough for this fat chick at moment!oooh and i found my clear bra strap for those of you that were in the slightest interested, the cat had decided that it was her new toy...so it is now mawld some what....so i reckon a new set is in order huh!?!i wil lnever know ho wshe managed to get it under the fridge freezer though....takes me and Jeff capes to move that thing!!
Calories 350
Time legs shaked for - 17 minutes
number of good bacteria 0
Number of unwanted hugs 1
kisses 0
Choc fantasies 180
Times on scales 43 <---- this might be becoming an obsession?!?WEIGHT LOST 4 lbs.......wooohooo !! (thats 2 bags of sugar) Days to actual weigh day 1
Day 5
******************* DAY 5 *************************
Up early AGAIN!! this is turning into a habit now, free parking space so another £4.00 for me. Wooohoooo, which means i have saved £20 this week, so i can now afford to go out this weekend...so lock up your sons, as i am feeling slimmer and on a mission lol!!
Breakfast 7.30Just a probiotic yogurt today so only 71 cals...and i recommend the cherry activa to anyone ...and they have no fat in them at all...and they actually taste pleasant...or maybe i have just destroyed my taste buds so bad that everything tastes good now :(I am hoping the the lack of friendly bactaria doesnt make me grow a moustache or balls!! well you just never know now do ya!I decide that all these early starts are really taking their toll on me so book half a days holiday, now as i was in at 7.30 i can leave at 11.30 and it wont alter my flexi, but i am feeling frisky today, so i stay another half an hour and leave at 12. So flexi is up another 34
minutes....only another 10 hours 24 to pay back and then i can treat myself to half a day flexi and go shopping, obviously for smaller sized clothes lol!!
I return to the gym which is becoming my mecca, handsome guy gets a smile, large lycra chick gets a hello, but she just looks at me like i am a brown stain on a hotel towel....maybe she can hear my thoughts, and knows how i feel about her lycra cladd gigantous thighs!! SSW gets a hello too, and she asks me how my day is, and then enquires if i am out this weekend, well with my new found wealth of £20.00 i reply....you betcha, and jump on the spinning machine, and we are off. I start to get concerned that SSW (strange staring woman) is always behind me on what ever machine i am on, i just cant work out why, i even did a mad combination of routines to try and catch her out lol!!I go to get changed and SSW follows me again...oh god no...as i have a flash back to yesterday, and i think i may have shaked physically, well i def felt a shudder...she is asking where i am going and on what night this weekend, hmmm a bit familiar, but i divulge my plans, and try and get changed slowly as i am worried when i open the cubicle door she may not have had time to get her bra on again!! i just couldnt face her droopy tits again today....so i take a really long time, a good 15 minutes, open the door..and now she is in just a thong!!ohhh god no need....i mean come on what has she been doing for all that time!!I look the other way as she is bending over drying her feet, and i can almost see what she had for lunch, and oh my god, i never noticed yesterday but her armpits are as hairy her legs and face..hmmmm what is that about!I mumble bye to her and she shouts back, i might see you out tomorrow, followed by...oh you smell nice what perfume do you wear...i reply vera wang, and get out as fast as i can without looking back. Very odd, behaviour like this makes me agree with you men...WOMEN ARE WEIRD for sure!!
I arrive home, grab a fresher salad for lunch and then crash out on the sofa for 4 hours lol!! ahhh the delights of half a days holiday. when i get up i check the mail...and of my god my new shoes have arrived but they wouldnt fit throught the letter box so i have to go and collect them...woohooooooo, so i will catch you guys tomorrow.
Calories 380
Times on Scales 30
Choc fantasies 250
Kisses 0
Money saved £20
Smiles from greasy guy 7
Flexi +34 mins
Up early AGAIN!! this is turning into a habit now, free parking space so another £4.00 for me. Wooohoooo, which means i have saved £20 this week, so i can now afford to go out this weekend...so lock up your sons, as i am feeling slimmer and on a mission lol!!
Breakfast 7.30Just a probiotic yogurt today so only 71 cals...and i recommend the cherry activa to anyone ...and they have no fat in them at all...and they actually taste pleasant...or maybe i have just destroyed my taste buds so bad that everything tastes good now :(I am hoping the the lack of friendly bactaria doesnt make me grow a moustache or balls!! well you just never know now do ya!I decide that all these early starts are really taking their toll on me so book half a days holiday, now as i was in at 7.30 i can leave at 11.30 and it wont alter my flexi, but i am feeling frisky today, so i stay another half an hour and leave at 12. So flexi is up another 34
minutes....only another 10 hours 24 to pay back and then i can treat myself to half a day flexi and go shopping, obviously for smaller sized clothes lol!!
I return to the gym which is becoming my mecca, handsome guy gets a smile, large lycra chick gets a hello, but she just looks at me like i am a brown stain on a hotel towel....maybe she can hear my thoughts, and knows how i feel about her lycra cladd gigantous thighs!! SSW gets a hello too, and she asks me how my day is, and then enquires if i am out this weekend, well with my new found wealth of £20.00 i reply....you betcha, and jump on the spinning machine, and we are off. I start to get concerned that SSW (strange staring woman) is always behind me on what ever machine i am on, i just cant work out why, i even did a mad combination of routines to try and catch her out lol!!I go to get changed and SSW follows me again...oh god no...as i have a flash back to yesterday, and i think i may have shaked physically, well i def felt a shudder...she is asking where i am going and on what night this weekend, hmmm a bit familiar, but i divulge my plans, and try and get changed slowly as i am worried when i open the cubicle door she may not have had time to get her bra on again!! i just couldnt face her droopy tits again today....so i take a really long time, a good 15 minutes, open the door..and now she is in just a thong!!ohhh god no need....i mean come on what has she been doing for all that time!!I look the other way as she is bending over drying her feet, and i can almost see what she had for lunch, and oh my god, i never noticed yesterday but her armpits are as hairy her legs and face..hmmmm what is that about!I mumble bye to her and she shouts back, i might see you out tomorrow, followed by...oh you smell nice what perfume do you wear...i reply vera wang, and get out as fast as i can without looking back. Very odd, behaviour like this makes me agree with you men...WOMEN ARE WEIRD for sure!!
I arrive home, grab a fresher salad for lunch and then crash out on the sofa for 4 hours lol!! ahhh the delights of half a days holiday. when i get up i check the mail...and of my god my new shoes have arrived but they wouldnt fit throught the letter box so i have to go and collect them...woohooooooo, so i will catch you guys tomorrow.
Calories 380
Times on Scales 30
Choc fantasies 250
Kisses 0
Money saved £20
Smiles from greasy guy 7
Flexi +34 mins
Valentines Day...Day 4 of diet!!
So i wake up early again, brush hair, and make it to one of the free parking spaces again, so that is another £4.00 in my sky rocket.
I walk a different route to work today to see if i can catch sight of my pink leggings poking out from a make shift home, or from under a newspaper, but no joy!
Breakfast is once again an actimel and probiotic zero fat yougurt..what they fail to tell you it is also zero taste....now considering i have been giving my body friendly bacteria every day for 4 days now, i am not feeling too friendly...hmmm i just woke up in a bad mood which isnt like me at all.....then the penny drops OHH MY GOD it is smug beautiful girl day...also known as Valentines day...so i am going to be sat in a building with 400 people who are getting called to reception to collect flowers, and have my day filled with tales of what they are going to be doing with their "Mr Fabulous"...oooh i can hardly wait.
I am going to campaign for fat ugly bird day so at least one day a year, i can get showered in gifts and flowers lol, i will pop that on my "to do" list along with cutting the lawn,paying the dentist and finding that clear removable bra strap i have lost. Hmmm i wonder where that is actually?
So today my breakfast has filled me up until....7.37 so this is more progress, either my stomach is shrinking or it has just given up hoping for a MacDonalds sausage and egg muffin!!So i settle down to work and at 09.01 i get a call to go to reception...so i take the stairs, and assume it is a sick joke or a customer who is annoyed at me for some reason..but NO!!
It is a bunch of flowers for MOI!!!!????!!!!...i am hoping they are not fromt he sleezy big guy who works in the building across the road, as he has a personal hygiene problem, yellow teeth and over active grease glands...but was it coincidence that he was having a fag as my flowers got delivered....i hope so!!
So i take the flowers and walk back up the 4 flights of stairs, but the extra weight of flowers is killing me, and i make it to the 4th floor, red faced and out of breath, i sound like an 85 year old miner who has smoked 60 a day for life...i place flowers on desk, and sit down..ohh yes i am OFFICIALLY the first girl to get flowers in the building today...and the frist girl to nearly die of a heart attack too!!
9.30.....i am relieved to notice my heart rate has returned to normal and that my wheezing is no longer audible at the other end of the office, ohhh and i am feeling much friendlier now too, i dont think it has much to do with the digestifus bipolar emunitas bacteria thingies in my morning drink, i think it could be the flowers, just a hunch!
Lunch time comes round really quickly Hurrah, but my salad looks grim today, i consider eating some foliage from my bouquet but the risk of poisoning deters me just in time, and i settle for a rather limp lettuce tomato and cucumber box of nastyness....however i have kept the best to last, and whip out my crack filled ryvitas....YUMMY! I head off to the gym to avoid greggs the bakers...as my stomach is seriously rumbling still.
So i arrive at the gym in a really good mood, smile at handsome guy, nod at huge lycra girl and say hello to strange staring woman....i must tell huge lycra girl that when she squats not only is it like the parting of the red sea, but her rather unpleasant underwear is too visible to be part of the genieva convension...hmmm maybe i tell her tomorrow, she is a big lass!!
So i jump on the spinning bike, well actually thats a lie, i struggle as usual onto the bike, those bikes are huge..and i am small, thought i was going to have a nose bleed on tuesday i was that high up, i look like an extra fromt he borrowers on it! just about to set of on a peddling frenzy when strange staring woman comes over and asks if i have had a nice day, so i chat for about thirty seconds to her, which was pleasant, but my god she needs to shave those legs, and maybe do something about her moustache...but she is pleasant enough, even if her eye contact was a bit full on....this is going to be a good day, and of i go.
After the work out, which i hasten to add leaves me in better condition than the jaunt up the stairs at work, i go to get changed...strange staring women follows me, in my cubicle i shower and get changed. i walk out to discover to my HORROR that SSW (strange staring woman as she will now be know) is there dressed from the waist down, but with her puppies unleashed and very in my face...i look away, but she decided now will be good time to engage me in conversation again ...god all i did was say hello ...that will teach me huh! ...so after a brief conversation about the fact i dont have a boyfriend...and a lot of me not looking at her rather saggy boobs...i leave...on the walk back to work i consider why women do the whole getting changed in the middle bit, when there are lots of empty cubicles, but like quantum physics...it is something i will never understand.
I arrive back at the office take the stairs again, and the office has filled up with flowers so it now looks like the chelsea flower shower...and i sit and listen to all the great things folk have planned and try and show a mild interest..knowing that for me it is home to my loved ones too.....RYVITA and a bit of my name is earl!!....dont get me wrong ...i think love is a great idea...just like human teleportation is a great idea..but both are a long way off for me!
Then i get a call from reception again that there is a letter for me to sign for...so i go back down the stairs, and pick up what feels like a card in an envelope...oooh exciting...now i am surely going to find out who sent the flowers....i go back up the stairs..and make it in one go this time lol...i feel around the envelope...oooh feels like one of those expensive padded cards...so i rip the envelope open...and out falls a ryvita with a compliments slip from the guys at the analsys lab...which is written rather shirtly i may add....saying, they are "sorry but they are unable to waste their time analysing what is in a ryvita but they are pretty confident crack cocaine is not one of the ingredients"....well i beg to differ my friends!!.....also they added a little threat at the end that if i try and waste tax payers money again with such requests that i will be disiplined...hmmm i didnt realise that a humour bypass was one of the things you needed to be an analyser...but i do now!!They can just wait until i send down my next cow brain stem....i am going to add a little something to it...ANALYSE THAT!!
So after pinning the compliments slip to the notice board, i get back to work...only to recieve another call to go to reception...and ohhh my GOD more flowers!!! no way..i look around to check their isnt a hidden camera!! i decide to take the lift this time, first time all week, but after last time, i am taking no chances.
So i am officially the only girl in the office to get 2 bunches of flowers wooohooo, i check my emails, to discover that my crazy ex has kindly reminded me that he loves me and that he is sad we cant be together today!! hmmm well maybe his chances would have been higher if her had not mentally and emotionally tortured me for 3 years, just a suggestion if you are reading this(you know who you are)!!
I didnt reply, and knew none of the flowers were from him, as he didnt even bother with a card when we were together, so i doubt he was likely to start now lol!!
I was in a meeting all afternoon so didnt get out of work until 4.20...so my flexi benefitted from today.I struggled back to the car with 2 bunches of flowers, one which was in a vase with water in it!! hmmm interesting i thought, how am i going to drive and not spill....so i had a cunning plan, phone big gay dave from work, and he came and carried it home for me...hurrah for being a spoilt princess lol!!.On way home i get a call from my other single friend, who suggests we do our usual valentine thing, and book a table at the posh resteraunt, and sit and taunt the sad couples who are clearly miserable, sitting across from each other like it is a prison visit!! but i decline as i am feeling a bit ill now....hmmmm lack of chocolate i think! It may be a medical thing, where i need to have chocolate every day...ahhh if only that illness existed!!
I get in and think i better be quick as it is nearly 5 ...and i cant eat after 5...but then i chuck up!! hmmm i reckon it was that salad....it def looked grim!!...so i am left kneeling over the toilet trying to work out how many calories i can knock off my daily tally, as most are now getting flushed away.
Calories 500 (roughly as not sure how many went down the pan)
Choc Fantasies 300
Bunches of flowers recieved 2
Odd looks from greesy guy 11
Flexi - up 53 minutes
Foliage eaten 0
Time on scales 23
Kisses 0
I walk a different route to work today to see if i can catch sight of my pink leggings poking out from a make shift home, or from under a newspaper, but no joy!
Breakfast is once again an actimel and probiotic zero fat yougurt..what they fail to tell you it is also zero taste....now considering i have been giving my body friendly bacteria every day for 4 days now, i am not feeling too friendly...hmmm i just woke up in a bad mood which isnt like me at all.....then the penny drops OHH MY GOD it is smug beautiful girl day...also known as Valentines day...so i am going to be sat in a building with 400 people who are getting called to reception to collect flowers, and have my day filled with tales of what they are going to be doing with their "Mr Fabulous"...oooh i can hardly wait.
I am going to campaign for fat ugly bird day so at least one day a year, i can get showered in gifts and flowers lol, i will pop that on my "to do" list along with cutting the lawn,paying the dentist and finding that clear removable bra strap i have lost. Hmmm i wonder where that is actually?
So today my breakfast has filled me up until....7.37 so this is more progress, either my stomach is shrinking or it has just given up hoping for a MacDonalds sausage and egg muffin!!So i settle down to work and at 09.01 i get a call to go to reception...so i take the stairs, and assume it is a sick joke or a customer who is annoyed at me for some reason..but NO!!
It is a bunch of flowers for MOI!!!!????!!!!...i am hoping they are not fromt he sleezy big guy who works in the building across the road, as he has a personal hygiene problem, yellow teeth and over active grease glands...but was it coincidence that he was having a fag as my flowers got delivered....i hope so!!
So i take the flowers and walk back up the 4 flights of stairs, but the extra weight of flowers is killing me, and i make it to the 4th floor, red faced and out of breath, i sound like an 85 year old miner who has smoked 60 a day for life...i place flowers on desk, and sit down..ohh yes i am OFFICIALLY the first girl to get flowers in the building today...and the frist girl to nearly die of a heart attack too!!
9.30.....i am relieved to notice my heart rate has returned to normal and that my wheezing is no longer audible at the other end of the office, ohhh and i am feeling much friendlier now too, i dont think it has much to do with the digestifus bipolar emunitas bacteria thingies in my morning drink, i think it could be the flowers, just a hunch!
Lunch time comes round really quickly Hurrah, but my salad looks grim today, i consider eating some foliage from my bouquet but the risk of poisoning deters me just in time, and i settle for a rather limp lettuce tomato and cucumber box of nastyness....however i have kept the best to last, and whip out my crack filled ryvitas....YUMMY! I head off to the gym to avoid greggs the bakers...as my stomach is seriously rumbling still.
So i arrive at the gym in a really good mood, smile at handsome guy, nod at huge lycra girl and say hello to strange staring woman....i must tell huge lycra girl that when she squats not only is it like the parting of the red sea, but her rather unpleasant underwear is too visible to be part of the genieva convension...hmmm maybe i tell her tomorrow, she is a big lass!!
So i jump on the spinning bike, well actually thats a lie, i struggle as usual onto the bike, those bikes are huge..and i am small, thought i was going to have a nose bleed on tuesday i was that high up, i look like an extra fromt he borrowers on it! just about to set of on a peddling frenzy when strange staring woman comes over and asks if i have had a nice day, so i chat for about thirty seconds to her, which was pleasant, but my god she needs to shave those legs, and maybe do something about her moustache...but she is pleasant enough, even if her eye contact was a bit full on....this is going to be a good day, and of i go.
After the work out, which i hasten to add leaves me in better condition than the jaunt up the stairs at work, i go to get changed...strange staring women follows me, in my cubicle i shower and get changed. i walk out to discover to my HORROR that SSW (strange staring woman as she will now be know) is there dressed from the waist down, but with her puppies unleashed and very in my face...i look away, but she decided now will be good time to engage me in conversation again ...god all i did was say hello ...that will teach me huh! ...so after a brief conversation about the fact i dont have a boyfriend...and a lot of me not looking at her rather saggy boobs...i leave...on the walk back to work i consider why women do the whole getting changed in the middle bit, when there are lots of empty cubicles, but like quantum physics...it is something i will never understand.
I arrive back at the office take the stairs again, and the office has filled up with flowers so it now looks like the chelsea flower shower...and i sit and listen to all the great things folk have planned and try and show a mild interest..knowing that for me it is home to my loved ones too.....RYVITA and a bit of my name is earl!!....dont get me wrong ...i think love is a great idea...just like human teleportation is a great idea..but both are a long way off for me!
Then i get a call from reception again that there is a letter for me to sign for...so i go back down the stairs, and pick up what feels like a card in an envelope...oooh exciting...now i am surely going to find out who sent the flowers....i go back up the stairs..and make it in one go this time lol...i feel around the envelope...oooh feels like one of those expensive padded cards...so i rip the envelope open...and out falls a ryvita with a compliments slip from the guys at the analsys lab...which is written rather shirtly i may add....saying, they are "sorry but they are unable to waste their time analysing what is in a ryvita but they are pretty confident crack cocaine is not one of the ingredients"....well i beg to differ my friends!!.....also they added a little threat at the end that if i try and waste tax payers money again with such requests that i will be disiplined...hmmm i didnt realise that a humour bypass was one of the things you needed to be an analyser...but i do now!!They can just wait until i send down my next cow brain stem....i am going to add a little something to it...ANALYSE THAT!!
So after pinning the compliments slip to the notice board, i get back to work...only to recieve another call to go to reception...and ohhh my GOD more flowers!!! no way..i look around to check their isnt a hidden camera!! i decide to take the lift this time, first time all week, but after last time, i am taking no chances.
So i am officially the only girl in the office to get 2 bunches of flowers wooohooo, i check my emails, to discover that my crazy ex has kindly reminded me that he loves me and that he is sad we cant be together today!! hmmm well maybe his chances would have been higher if her had not mentally and emotionally tortured me for 3 years, just a suggestion if you are reading this(you know who you are)!!
I didnt reply, and knew none of the flowers were from him, as he didnt even bother with a card when we were together, so i doubt he was likely to start now lol!!
I was in a meeting all afternoon so didnt get out of work until 4.20...so my flexi benefitted from today.I struggled back to the car with 2 bunches of flowers, one which was in a vase with water in it!! hmmm interesting i thought, how am i going to drive and not spill....so i had a cunning plan, phone big gay dave from work, and he came and carried it home for me...hurrah for being a spoilt princess lol!!.On way home i get a call from my other single friend, who suggests we do our usual valentine thing, and book a table at the posh resteraunt, and sit and taunt the sad couples who are clearly miserable, sitting across from each other like it is a prison visit!! but i decline as i am feeling a bit ill now....hmmmm lack of chocolate i think! It may be a medical thing, where i need to have chocolate every day...ahhh if only that illness existed!!
I get in and think i better be quick as it is nearly 5 ...and i cant eat after 5...but then i chuck up!! hmmm i reckon it was that salad....it def looked grim!!...so i am left kneeling over the toilet trying to work out how many calories i can knock off my daily tally, as most are now getting flushed away.
Calories 500 (roughly as not sure how many went down the pan)
Choc Fantasies 300
Bunches of flowers recieved 2
Odd looks from greesy guy 11
Flexi - up 53 minutes
Foliage eaten 0
Time on scales 23
Kisses 0
*****************DAY 3 *******************
Woke up early again..i did remember to brush my hair!! and spray myself in choc lynx lol....so made it to the free parking space. wooohoooo, another 4 pounds saved!!
Still no sign of my pink leggings on the homeless yet...i may walk a different route tomorrow incase i have missed him lol!!
Breakfast 07.30 -another yogurt and actimel!! hmmm ...filled me up today until 07.35....so there is progress lol.i didnt have any elevensies today...i was too busy hurrah.lunch 12.00..Totally starving...so my lettuce and tomato salad didnt really hit the spot, but my 2 ryvita did...oh yes i highly recomend the ryvita thing to one and all. went to the gym...still in joggers and not lycra...that may be a few weeks away yet...funny i see the same folk in the gym....extra fat girl who hasnt seen herself in lycra yet...i might mention it to her,....but i fear one slap from her and i could be out for the count...tall good looking bloke...who i suspect might be gay....i could be wrong, but in this city, chances are if they are dishy..they have a boyfriend :( ...and the strange woman who looks at me far to much for it to be comfortable...i might say hello to her tomorrow, and suss out what she is up to...she is always just behind me on the equipment!! hmmmm.
Back at work the day went well, lots of running around and up and down 4 flights of stairs...god my legs hurt now though.
Finished at 4.30 well done me....51 mins on my flexi....shame i am 13 hours down :(I have to eat before 5...not because i might change into a gremlin..just a stupid rule i have....but the trafic was terrible...so i am watching my cut of time tick away..ahhh short cut i think...hmmm maybe going via Mcvitties biscuit factory wasnt wise...as they were def on Jaffa cakes today..i pulled over and rolled down my window...took a few deep breaths...yummy!! then realised it had been 10 mins!! but my god the air was good.i had 10 mins to get home before 5!! no way i am going to make it, i considered eating my airfreshner as at least it was something...then i remembered i had another pack of ryvita in my bag....SAVIOUR...so dinner was 2 ryvitas!! hmmmm
Calories 480
Choc fantasies 600
time sniffing choc air...11 minutes
Airfreshners eaten 0
times on scales 11
weight lost 1 lb ffs....but that is half a bag of sugar lol.
Kisses 0
Woke up early again..i did remember to brush my hair!! and spray myself in choc lynx lol....so made it to the free parking space. wooohoooo, another 4 pounds saved!!
Still no sign of my pink leggings on the homeless yet...i may walk a different route tomorrow incase i have missed him lol!!
Breakfast 07.30 -another yogurt and actimel!! hmmm ...filled me up today until 07.35....so there is progress lol.i didnt have any elevensies today...i was too busy hurrah.lunch 12.00..Totally starving...so my lettuce and tomato salad didnt really hit the spot, but my 2 ryvita did...oh yes i highly recomend the ryvita thing to one and all. went to the gym...still in joggers and not lycra...that may be a few weeks away yet...funny i see the same folk in the gym....extra fat girl who hasnt seen herself in lycra yet...i might mention it to her,....but i fear one slap from her and i could be out for the count...tall good looking bloke...who i suspect might be gay....i could be wrong, but in this city, chances are if they are dishy..they have a boyfriend :( ...and the strange woman who looks at me far to much for it to be comfortable...i might say hello to her tomorrow, and suss out what she is up to...she is always just behind me on the equipment!! hmmmm.
Back at work the day went well, lots of running around and up and down 4 flights of stairs...god my legs hurt now though.
Finished at 4.30 well done me....51 mins on my flexi....shame i am 13 hours down :(I have to eat before 5...not because i might change into a gremlin..just a stupid rule i have....but the trafic was terrible...so i am watching my cut of time tick away..ahhh short cut i think...hmmm maybe going via Mcvitties biscuit factory wasnt wise...as they were def on Jaffa cakes today..i pulled over and rolled down my window...took a few deep breaths...yummy!! then realised it had been 10 mins!! but my god the air was good.i had 10 mins to get home before 5!! no way i am going to make it, i considered eating my airfreshner as at least it was something...then i remembered i had another pack of ryvita in my bag....SAVIOUR...so dinner was 2 ryvitas!! hmmmm
Calories 480
Choc fantasies 600
time sniffing choc air...11 minutes
Airfreshners eaten 0
times on scales 11
weight lost 1 lb ffs....but that is half a bag of sugar lol.
Kisses 0
**********************DIET DAY 2************************
I managed to get up with only 3 hours sleep....defrosted car, set off to work....all was going well, i was early enough to get a free parking space..which in this city is like rocking horse poooo... then i glance in the rear view mirror .....and then realised i hadnt brushed my hair....so turned back home and brushed hair!! WOMEN!!!
HURRAH still made it in time to get a free parking space....ohh yeah lol.Disapointed i never saw a tramp sporting soem hot pink leggings though...oh well maybe tomorrow.
Breakfast.7.30 -yougurt and actimel....once again a a delight fit for a doberman!! tried to last until 11 but not a chance, as my stomache sounded like it was auditioning for X Factor...so i snapped at 10.30 and had a ryvita wooohoooo.Now i am not joking here, but i actually like them...so i am now sure they have crack in them...so i popped one in an envelope and posted it of for anaylsis :)After watching everyone in my team having their choc breaks.....drooling, i decided i would endevour to buy some choc smelling lynx and cover myself in it..thus kind of making it all ok...and ZERO calories :)....see how smart am I...ok apart from forgetting to brush my hair!! hey it was early!!
Lunch was a nightmare...pasta chicken tomatoes and cucumber....yup tasted as bland as it sounds...but i had my secret weapon....oh yeah my other ryvita...these are now my gods...i am thinking of making a dress out of them...once i can fit into a dress again :)So to avoid too many pie shops i went back to the gym...in jogging bottoms, it was much more humane than yesterday lol!!Back to work and i kept myself busy...avoided the vending machine today.
I left work at 3 and remembered my plan about choc lynx...so bought some....sprayed it...wow it does smell of choc.....however and let this be a WARNING to you all.....it does not...i repeat DOESNT NOT TASTE LIKE CHOCOLATE!!!....so ok i sprayed it in my car and then bit the air!!! insane maybe!! but what the heck lol.
Dashed home, showered just as nephew phoned to let me know he could put my new number plates on my car...so dressed, after i had sprayed myself in choc spray....and headed out, now i have naturally curly hair!! so not drying it and straightening it is fool hardy on the best of days...but i would be ok i thought!! Got cute tinkerbell plates fitted and thought i would pop to asda to buy some more Ryivita as i was having a panic attack that the 3 and half packs i have might not be enough!!!I was getting lots of looks and smiles...so clearly i am looking fabulous and my dieting is worth all the effort..........................................Wandered round and got 3 more packs....then caught site of myself in the mirror...hmmm the looks and smiles are due to my rather 80's looking hair do...big and frizzy ohhh yeah baby...left quickly !!So no dinner today as too busy!! hurrah
Calories 530
choc fantasies 835
Kisses 0
Bad hair moments 2
Times on scales 5
I managed to get up with only 3 hours sleep....defrosted car, set off to work....all was going well, i was early enough to get a free parking space..which in this city is like rocking horse poooo... then i glance in the rear view mirror .....and then realised i hadnt brushed my hair....so turned back home and brushed hair!! WOMEN!!!
HURRAH still made it in time to get a free parking space....ohh yeah lol.Disapointed i never saw a tramp sporting soem hot pink leggings though...oh well maybe tomorrow.
Breakfast.7.30 -yougurt and actimel....once again a a delight fit for a doberman!! tried to last until 11 but not a chance, as my stomache sounded like it was auditioning for X Factor...so i snapped at 10.30 and had a ryvita wooohoooo.Now i am not joking here, but i actually like them...so i am now sure they have crack in them...so i popped one in an envelope and posted it of for anaylsis :)After watching everyone in my team having their choc breaks.....drooling, i decided i would endevour to buy some choc smelling lynx and cover myself in it..thus kind of making it all ok...and ZERO calories :)....see how smart am I...ok apart from forgetting to brush my hair!! hey it was early!!
Lunch was a nightmare...pasta chicken tomatoes and cucumber....yup tasted as bland as it sounds...but i had my secret weapon....oh yeah my other ryvita...these are now my gods...i am thinking of making a dress out of them...once i can fit into a dress again :)So to avoid too many pie shops i went back to the gym...in jogging bottoms, it was much more humane than yesterday lol!!Back to work and i kept myself busy...avoided the vending machine today.
I left work at 3 and remembered my plan about choc lynx...so bought some....sprayed it...wow it does smell of choc.....however and let this be a WARNING to you all.....it does not...i repeat DOESNT NOT TASTE LIKE CHOCOLATE!!!....so ok i sprayed it in my car and then bit the air!!! insane maybe!! but what the heck lol.
Dashed home, showered just as nephew phoned to let me know he could put my new number plates on my car...so dressed, after i had sprayed myself in choc spray....and headed out, now i have naturally curly hair!! so not drying it and straightening it is fool hardy on the best of days...but i would be ok i thought!! Got cute tinkerbell plates fitted and thought i would pop to asda to buy some more Ryivita as i was having a panic attack that the 3 and half packs i have might not be enough!!!I was getting lots of looks and smiles...so clearly i am looking fabulous and my dieting is worth all the effort..........................................Wandered round and got 3 more packs....then caught site of myself in the mirror...hmmm the looks and smiles are due to my rather 80's looking hair do...big and frizzy ohhh yeah baby...left quickly !!So no dinner today as too busy!! hurrah
Calories 530
choc fantasies 835
Kisses 0
Bad hair moments 2
Times on scales 5
The Misery Diet Diaries
THE MISERY DIET DIARIES!!!!Ok...so i look in the mirror, and realise that i have turned into a huge fat whale, with no shape and so many chins i am thinking of charging them rent!! My asss is so big each cheek is in a different postal (zip)code area :(So i get on the scales, and it tells me one person at a time please !!!...OH MY GOD.....this girl has to do something....SO ........
******************THE DIET STARTED TODAY**********************
BREAKFAST So breakfast was a rather gross probiotic yoghurt with some made up "good bacteria" in it ...digestivus bifidus crapppius i think it was called....clearly some by product of the plastic making process :)....so after having that at 7.30...i felt full up until..... ohhhh at least 7.33!! so i sat miserable and hungry at my desk until 11...clock watching...and begging for it to be time to have some form of real food hee hee..Elevensies.I braced myself for the snack i had brought to work, and let me tell you ....after that yogurt....you wouldnt believe how fantastic a cherry tomato and a Ryvita tastes.....i actually enjoyed the Ryvita...once i stopped eating the mouse mat in error and continued on with the Ryvita.Clearly i was now bursting at the seams!!Lunch 12.30After my royal feast of cardboard...i mean ryvita and a cherry tomato...i wasnt sure i would manage lunch...but i opened my pink tub of glorious salad....and the smell was horrific....how can char grilled chicken pieces smell so vile after only a couple of hours in a box!! anyway i scoffed down my other Ryvita....hmmmm i am losing interest in Ryvita already.
I think i might be frisky tomorrow and have rice cakes instead....just not sure if peaking so soon is wise, Rice cakes were meant for wednesday...but what the h£ll i am a free agent...i might just take that risk!!1.30 In a meeting...it turns out my stomach had more to contribute than my brain...rumbled all the way through it....but at least this time i had some form of input :)
3 o'clock.Ok its now 3pm, and i have been to the gym in my lunch hour....surprising how little time it takes to eat a lettuce leaf and some carrot actually, so thought i would go to kill the time i would normally be spending supping a latte with waaaayyy too many sugars in it while devouring a chocolate brownie...or similiar while chatting with friends.It was the fantasy of doing just that, that kept me running on that tread mill!!I caught sight of myself in a mirror hmmmmm ....Funny i dont remember looking that bad in lycra before!! thank god the place was quiet...or i may have been arrested for having an offensive weapon(my body) in a public place.
So My 3pm treat is a mandarin and a pear...not bad at all.....but as usual everyone goes to the vending machine at 3pm..so i took the stairs..and wandered down all 4 flights to be met at the bottom by everyone getting out of the lift....pressed my nose up against the glass pane and peered through to the delights that waited within...i stood dreaming of just how good a snickers would be right now and drifted off into a dream land....when i came round 5 minutes later, a large queue had formed behind me, and there was some tutting involved too, so i thought i better make good, so pretended i had forgot my change and tried to make a quick get away, just casting back for one quick glance of the fat,sugar and lard filled delights....and wandered back up the 4 flights of stairs .....ALONE.I make it through the afternoon without collapsing...which i think is something of a feat in itself.I go back to the gym, just to re itterate how terible i do look in lycra..and decide jogging bottoms will be a more humane option for tomorrow, after a second work out, i get changed and throw away the unforgiving lycra outfit into the bin....i know tomorrow i will see a homeless guy in a baby pink pair of leggins and a black overthong...looking like olivia newton john, and i shall smile to myself..as he is bound to look worse even than me in it!!!
So it gets to dinner time, and i push the boat out and have another 2 ryvita and some cottage cheese...now these ryvita must have crack in them, as i am starting to enjoy them....shame the same cant be said for cottage cheese huh!!So i have made it through the first day...and i am still alive :)
Calories 885
Choc fantasies 885
kisses 0..........this better go up as my weight goes down lol.
Thanks for reading xxx
******************THE DIET STARTED TODAY**********************
BREAKFAST So breakfast was a rather gross probiotic yoghurt with some made up "good bacteria" in it ...digestivus bifidus crapppius i think it was called....clearly some by product of the plastic making process :)....so after having that at 7.30...i felt full up until..... ohhhh at least 7.33!! so i sat miserable and hungry at my desk until 11...clock watching...and begging for it to be time to have some form of real food hee hee..Elevensies.I braced myself for the snack i had brought to work, and let me tell you ....after that yogurt....you wouldnt believe how fantastic a cherry tomato and a Ryvita tastes.....i actually enjoyed the Ryvita...once i stopped eating the mouse mat in error and continued on with the Ryvita.Clearly i was now bursting at the seams!!Lunch 12.30After my royal feast of cardboard...i mean ryvita and a cherry tomato...i wasnt sure i would manage lunch...but i opened my pink tub of glorious salad....and the smell was horrific....how can char grilled chicken pieces smell so vile after only a couple of hours in a box!! anyway i scoffed down my other Ryvita....hmmmm i am losing interest in Ryvita already.
I think i might be frisky tomorrow and have rice cakes instead....just not sure if peaking so soon is wise, Rice cakes were meant for wednesday...but what the h£ll i am a free agent...i might just take that risk!!1.30 In a meeting...it turns out my stomach had more to contribute than my brain...rumbled all the way through it....but at least this time i had some form of input :)
3 o'clock.Ok its now 3pm, and i have been to the gym in my lunch hour....surprising how little time it takes to eat a lettuce leaf and some carrot actually, so thought i would go to kill the time i would normally be spending supping a latte with waaaayyy too many sugars in it while devouring a chocolate brownie...or similiar while chatting with friends.It was the fantasy of doing just that, that kept me running on that tread mill!!I caught sight of myself in a mirror hmmmmm ....Funny i dont remember looking that bad in lycra before!! thank god the place was quiet...or i may have been arrested for having an offensive weapon(my body) in a public place.
So My 3pm treat is a mandarin and a pear...not bad at all.....but as usual everyone goes to the vending machine at 3pm..so i took the stairs..and wandered down all 4 flights to be met at the bottom by everyone getting out of the lift....pressed my nose up against the glass pane and peered through to the delights that waited within...i stood dreaming of just how good a snickers would be right now and drifted off into a dream land....when i came round 5 minutes later, a large queue had formed behind me, and there was some tutting involved too, so i thought i better make good, so pretended i had forgot my change and tried to make a quick get away, just casting back for one quick glance of the fat,sugar and lard filled delights....and wandered back up the 4 flights of stairs .....ALONE.I make it through the afternoon without collapsing...which i think is something of a feat in itself.I go back to the gym, just to re itterate how terible i do look in lycra..and decide jogging bottoms will be a more humane option for tomorrow, after a second work out, i get changed and throw away the unforgiving lycra outfit into the bin....i know tomorrow i will see a homeless guy in a baby pink pair of leggins and a black overthong...looking like olivia newton john, and i shall smile to myself..as he is bound to look worse even than me in it!!!
So it gets to dinner time, and i push the boat out and have another 2 ryvita and some cottage cheese...now these ryvita must have crack in them, as i am starting to enjoy them....shame the same cant be said for cottage cheese huh!!So i have made it through the first day...and i am still alive :)
Calories 885
Choc fantasies 885
kisses 0..........this better go up as my weight goes down lol.
Thanks for reading xxx
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